Chapter 5-
They were gods on that stage.
They played harder and faster than anyone I’d ever seen before.
And he was mine.
I never had anyone…well anything that was mine; only mine. As a child my father imposed the idea that everything I owned was his or that everything I have to live with was something I have to work for. Nothing was mine as long as I didn’t work for it so maybe that was why I didn’t care about anything that I ‘owned’. But I cared if he was mine. He –
“What are you thinking about?” Andy asked on the way home. “life.” I said with an almost bitter smile on my face. He nodded as if he totally understood what I was saying. That’s why I lo- no! That’s why I liked him. He almost could understand why I was the way I was. Almost. “Did you like tonight?” he asked as he slowly pulled up to my house. “It was…it was a new experience.” I said pulling my knees up to my chest. “What’s wrong?” he asked taking my hand. I put my index finger to my lips and said “shhh not yet.” I said with a smile that I hoped looked as mysterious as I thought it did. He took a look at my darken house and asked “Wanna spend the night with me?” I glanced behind me and knew my father wouldn’t question anything. “Just drive.” I half way commanded half way begged.
“Where are we?” I asked as he pulled up to an empty parking lot. “This is my favorite spot. This” he jumped into a few parking spots. “Is where I first performed EVER. I was 9 and played air guitar. And this is where I first performed that I got paid for.” He said as he stood over towards where the shopping carts were placed. “And this is where I brought a girl that has quickly became important to Me.” he said stepping 2 inches away from me. I closed the gap between us with a soft kiss. ”Wanna know what I was thinking about?” I asked sitting on the cold hard ground. He sat down in front of me and let me spill my guts about how I didn’t want to be what my father wanted; how I didn’t want to go to college; how I never felt a pull to do anything until now; how I was becoming attached to him and how scary it was to me; how I felt lost and founded all at once. I could have been sitting there for hours, or days, it didn’t seem real that I was opening up to him. I even told him how I honestly hated all my ‘friends’. He responded with something I loved and won’t forget. “We accept the love we think we deserve. It’s from the perks of being a wallflower. You let your father pull you around because you don’t think you deserve any better; you think you don’t deserve to be happy doing YOU. Let me tell you something. You deserve the world. You deserve everything that you can get; even if it’s not what your father wants. You deserve to be you and I know that preppy little scared girl isn’t my Jessica.” He reached up and wiped a tear from my eye that I didn’t even know was there. Then he kissed me; a type of kiss every girl should have; one that makes the world stop and spin at once, a kiss that makes your body go hot and cold at once, and a kiss that you can completely tell how they feel about you. I love you. The words were out of my mouth before I could stop myself. He pulled back, looked me in the eyes and said something I’m so glad to hear. I love you too. “Where do we go from here?” I asked as I rapped my legs around his waist trying to pull my dress down so it didn’t ride up my thighs. “Well you could start staying the night at my place on weekends.” He said rubbing my cheek. “You wouldn’t be moving in just yet. Think of it as a long term visit once a week.” He said now rubbing my back. Whenever he touched me I felt safe and at peace. I nodded, smiled and kissed him and yet felt a pull towards the darkness that I hadn’t felt in a very long time…
I awoke the next morning, wearing his muscle T, to the sound of cursing. “FUCK!” I heard Andy yell from the kitchen. I threw on a pair of his boxers and went to find out the problem. I saw that he had made waffles and was working on cooking bacon. “I burned myself.” He said sitting the uncooked bacon to the side. I went over and kissed his small burn slowly never loosing eye contact. “Don’t start something you can’t finish.” He said stepping back. “Take a lesson from me.” I said moving him out of the way. I turned on the broiler and moved the uncooked bacon from the pan to a baking sheet, and put it in for a few minutes. “Perfection!” I said taking a bite out of the crisp bacon. “I think I just fell in love with you more and more.” He said kissing my cheek. We ate in almost silence and not the awkward kind where both people search for something to say. It was perfect even in its quietness. He really was gonna be the death of me. “How was your date?” my father asked me as I came home after breakfast. “It was fine.” I said slipping into my room.
I started doing my homework quicker and quicker so Andy could take me away this thing my father called my future. I started dreading Mondays because that meant the week started over and I had to wait 5 days until I could be fully in Andy’s arms again. I knew this was becoming obsessive and I tried to stop but once I tried stopping he’d pull me back. I started going to every performance he had and started to form opinions on other bands like:
· Asking Alexandra- should take the electronics out.
· Sleeping With Sirens- plays nicely but kellin shouldn’t be the focus of the WHOLE band
· Mayday Parade- nice break up songs
“Jess I have something to tell you.” Andy said a Friday he picked me up from my house for our normal long visits. “What is it?” I asked my heart beating faster and faster. “We got a record deal.” He said gripping the steering wheel. “A record deal? That’s amazing.” I said. What about us? “That’s so so incredible.” What about us? “That’s so great.” What about us? “What about us?” he asked not looking at me. “I love you.” I said simply. “Come with me.” he said looking at me and I could almost see tears in his eyes. “I get that’s a big step. I mean we’ve been dating for 3 months but I don’t think I could do this without you. School is almost done for you. I could wait until after you graduate and take you with us. Please say something!” he said as he finally ran out of words. I said one single word.
Yes…
