~SPN one shots~

I wanted to die (Castiel x reader)

^^^ WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CONTENT CONTAINS MENTIONS OF SUICIDE< SELF HARM < LOW SELF ESTEEM ISSUES AND OTHER> IF YOU WILL BE TRIGGERED, please do not read this i love you and you are beautiful. i will post a nice chapter after this do not hurt yourself and you can always message me, i always am here for you^^^^ 

I can't do this anymore, its too much, all of it is to much. Demons, monsters? Was it all inside my head or was that the constant panic attacks and insomniac hallucinations that was terrorizing me day and night. Even Sam and Dean couldn't save me from them. They tried, they tried everything. Nothing can save me now. 

I drag my feet up the steps of the abandon building, letting the voices take over.

                                         Ugly

                                                                                          Piece of shit

                                  Good for nothing

                                                                                                                                             They wont even miss you

                                                        they always hated you

                                                                                                                                                                you were just a burden

                                      all you were was trouble 

I was at the top now, walking to the edge. I stared down and smiled as tears rolled down my face, its been a while since i smiled. I balanced on one foot while the other hung over the ledge. Free , the voices sang. i started to fall but met the ground hardly with arms wrapped around me. I opened my eyes to see a trench coat. "WHAT DID YOU DO." i screamed at the angel in broken sobs. I pushed him away and tried to go back to the edge but he stopped me. "What are you doing? Why are you trying to fall?! Please, please stop." Castiel begs me between sobs. 

"I have no reason to be here on this stupid planet! I don't make a difference! Cas, I WANT TO DIE. so why won't you let me?!" I screamed louder than before, breaking but numb. "Don't make a difference? Do you know how many lives you saved? How many kids that got to grow up because of you? How devastated the boys would be if you died? How I would be? The human life is so valuable and yet your willing to throw it away? without trying-" Cas was fighting to keep me from the edge, for me to listen. "Without trying? Cas iv'e tried everything, from meds to methods online. Nothing can help me, nothing. I'm hopeless. So just give up on me now. Iv'e already given up on myself.

"I'm not giving up on you, I love you, i want to be with you. I want to help with your problems, I want to fix you. I want you to be okay. I want to make your smile last, I want you to be happy. Please, please let me try and help. If you don't than i'm going down with you, i'm not going to let you die alone. But please, give me a chance." I look to the ledge, then look to him. "Yes, i'll give you a chance."