Set me free

Fight

I'm so scared and I can't hold it back. The tears flow every time they all turn their backs. I don't want them to see how weak I can be. I try to be strong so I can believe
I'm not sure why but my life is a fight. I feel like a boxer in a boxing ring with bloody lips bruised nose black eyes broken hips. I'm stuck in this circle of never ending battles. I've been fighting all my life and I haven't lost yet but I'm done. I'm finished. I hate what this is. I want out of this chain that has no end. Stop throwing new opponents for me to fight. Stop telling me hook left or jab them in the eye. Everyone is cheering for me; proud I haven't lost a fight. But I don't want to win. I want to be in the audience or lose my life. They say it's selfish to wish you weren't alive. That Id be hurting more the ones Id leave behind. The problem is the people who judge the broken ones don't stop and think or ask questions like why does she hate her life so much or she has a man she shares mutual love why would she give it all up and if they asked questions they probably wouldn't be very satisfied because the answers are complex and hard to be absorbed. If a girl is in a relationship with a man she loves with all her heart she wants him to be happy no matter what. If she was hurting from the start then she fears she'll bring him down with her broken love. It's all about perspective. I started writing about me. That turned into an opinion I've had recently. Somehow I got back to what I really was thinking about: I'm so scared. So so scared. And I don't want to fight anymore. Let me lose or let me be free.