Set me free

Dear God

Dear God,

I know I haven't been the greatest person and I make a lot of mistakes... But I could really use your guidance. I need help staying strong. Because I'm losing hope. And I hate myself. Why was I born? I know I'm supposed to handle the cards I was dealt but I don't know how to anymore. I'm lost. And I just want something to fill my empty hole in my heart. I know what I want but I have sinned too much to get it. He's everything to me. And he doesn't understand why I want to be married to him. Maybe true love is a fantasy. But marriage means more to me than anyone I know. I just want to be his wife. I want to have him as my husband. And I don't want it to just be for a few years. I want him forever. He's perfect in my eyes. He is everything I could ever dream of. And I'm scared that he will never want me the way I want him. What does he see when he looks at me? What does he think when he hears me talk? Am I really annoying? Should I stop asking him to marry me? Tell me what to do. God I need you to give me advice. I don't know who to ask for advice from. I trust you know what is best for my life. But he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. And please understand that I need him more than I need to breathe. Because he is my air. He's my heart. And without him I'll die. Because I can't live without air. Or without a heart. And he owns it all. Am I stupid for believing in a love that consumes me? Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic with my heart on my sleeve. All I'm asking for is him. And him forever. Please God help me....

Amen