The Mindless Man's Paradise

Chapter nineteen

My condition had deteriorated.

  You know that feeling you get when you’re sick, and it feels like your bones ache? I had that. I had that to the point where it pained me to even move my arm to grab a cup of water.

  I knew I was dying. I had seen the purple veins at my upper thigh as I had gone to sleep, and now they had disappeared under my pants. But I didn’t want to see where the veins were now.

  It was only a matter of time.

  It hurt me to breathe; my chest ached like the rest of me did. Breathing seemed almost like a chore.

  A few times, I thought about just not breathing. I could go out right then, without all the pain and suffering.

  But I knew I couldn’t. Somewhere in those millions and millions of chances of my death, there was one chance that I might live.

  Once chance that Aurora’s medications would work.

  And one chance was better than no chance.

  So instead, I continued my breathing; I continued my vomiting and coughing.

  Cyrus refused to leave my bedside. And even if I were to die, at least I could die knowing that I had found my soul mate. Not my Soul Mate that was destined by HQ. But my soul mate that was destined by the universe.

  At that point, there was no doubt in my mind Cyrus was the one for me. He had taken care of me, even when his whole family was against him.

  On my deathbed, I would thank him for that. I would thank him for everything.

  Wow, look at me. I was already thinking of last words.

  Constantly I had to remind myself of the fact that I might not die.

  I awoke, and propped myself up on my elbow. This hurt terribly, but I continued to stay that way just because it made me remember that I still was living.

  The pain in my leg was constant now, never ceasing, not even to Aurora’s honey.

  “Cyrus.” my strangled throat managed.

  He wakened with a start. I could see the whites of his eyes clearly as they snapped open.

  When he had seen it was me, he calmed down and his eyes went back to their normal size.

  “Good mornin’!” he slurred.

   I smiled instead of speaking, because my throat almost seemed useless at that point. There had been so much coughing…

  “Do you wanna go get some breakfast?” he asked while he stretched his arms.

  I knew it wouldn’t be easy. I knew it would be painful to get just to the kitchen.

  But it might be my last breakfast I’d ever eat. I might as well enjoy it. So, I nodded and Cyrus helped me onto my crutches.

  Just sitting up, my bones ached and groaned. If they could speak they’d be saying ‘lay back down’! But I was not ready to give in to them.

  As quickly as I could manage, I walked across the house and to the kitchen table.

  Aurora was in the kitchen, preparing breakfast. Her usual apron was on, and she was cooking something that smelled very delicious.

  When she saw me, she greeted me with a steaming cup of cocoa. I noticed it was filled to the brim, and not to mention there were more marshmallows than I could ever dream of.

  Aurora knew I was dying too. That was why she had gone the extra mile to make me some cocoa.

  However, I slurped the cocoa longingly, savoring every flavor. I ate the marshmallows especially slow, relishing in their fluffy sweetness.

  This brought a smile to Cyrus’s face. The first smile I’d seen in a while.

  Soon enough, Aurora had finished making breakfast.

  It was nothing short of grandiose. There was about every morning food you could think of, not to mention the ones I’d never even heard of.

  She plopped a flat floppy thing on my plate and said, “Pancake.” then, adding something brown and sticky she said, “Syrup.”

  She cut it up for me, almost as if I was a baby. When she finished, she handed me my utensils. I took a bite.

  Pancakes were good. I liked them.

  That morning I also tried waffles, which were basically the same thing as pancakes except they had square indentations in them for some reason. I also tried grits, which weren’t all that great, but were edible with a lot of syrup.

  We managed to laugh that morning. We shared stories.

  Aurora told me when Cyrus was little, he used to love to eat butter. Just plain butter, all by itself.

  I tried to imagine a small version of Cyrus with a stick of butter in his hand, and biting chunks out of it just as if it was a carrot.

  Cyrus was blushing. With much effort, I lifted my arm to shove him playfully.

  But just that gesture had winded me. Breathing was getting harder, but I pushed on.

  Breathe in.

  Breathe out.

  In.

  Out.

  I had to remind myself.

  After breakfast was finished, Cyrus helped Aurora as they cleared the table and washed the dishes. I watched, soaking it all in one last time.

  Finally, they had finished. They took turns wiping their hands on the dish rag and came to help me up.

  Cyrus grabbed my arm and I stood up quickly.

  Too quickly.

  Suddenly, the world around me was fading in and out. I felt my body collapse to the floor, but I didn’t register the pain. I could see Cyrus kneeling over me, talking to me. Words I didn’t understand.

  I couldn’t make out his face easily. I could barely even see his blue eyes.

  Was I dying?

  I didn’t know. But what else could it be?

  Unexpectedly, all I could think about was the picture in my pocket. I looked at Cyrus, who seemed to be frantically communicating to his mother.

  He was shouting so loud, that even in my state I could hear him say, “Do something mom!”

  Somehow, I still had control of myself. I was fighting against the unconsciousness that wanted to take me over, but I could feel my strength rapidly waning. I fiddled with my pocket for a couple moments before pulling out the picture.

  He had to know.

  I handed it to Cyrus, and with my last bits of awareness, I said. “I’m sorry.”