The Mindless Man's Paradise

Chapter sixty-one | Cyrus

Cyrus felt like he should be thinking of a way to escape, or even thinking of his fear of death.

  But he wasn’t thinking of any of that, to be honest.

  Well, you might be wondering ‘what was Cyrus thinking of instead?’

  He was thinking of three simple words. How to say them. When to say them. If he should say them.

  Of course he knew he should say them, but after Dream Land… it was scary to even think about. There had been several different dreamscapes involving Cyrus telling Aspen those words, and Aspen denying him. Some cases she did so kindly, but in others, she was ruthless. He didn’t know which was worse, though.

  In retrospect, the phrase was plain and simple. With his family, it would roll off his tongue like any other words. But, at the same time, it was also so complicated. It meant eternally desiring one person from now ‘til forever. It meant devotion. It meant working through problems. It was permanent.

  Now, Cyrus didn’t doubt his feelings for Aspen at all. It was Aspen’s feelings for him that he was uneasy about. What if Cyrus was just a chapter in her life?

  Cyrus didn’t want to be just one chapter. He wanted to be every chapter up until the epilogue where she and him would have kids, grow old, and eventually, die peacefully.

  Before Dream Land, he had been slightly worried, but not like he was now. Dream Land had exploited this fear, and augmented it until he could think of nothing else.

  Aspen was asleep, surely. Though she would twitch every once in a while, he knew she was only having a nightmare.

  Cyrus stared at the ceiling in the dark, though, unable to sleep.

  In her sleep, he heard Aspen mutter, “Always, Cyrus… always.”

  This eased his mind, slightly. The words so freely came from her lips in her slumber, and it made him smile.

  She rolled over, revealing a crease on her forehead, and her eyebrows drawn together in frustration.

  He took his thumb, rubbing it over the wrinkles, as if to efface them.

  When she didn’t budge, he decided that she was sleeping deeply enough.

  Her breathing was even, and she wasn’t twitching anymore. He figured she was dreaming of something happy now. Something involving him, it seemed.

  Oh, how he wished he could get in that head of hers, just to know how she felt, but he knew it was impossible.

  So, instead, he decided to practice while he could.

  He took a deep breath, as if she might wake up in the midst of his words.

  Scooting closer, he enveloped her in his arms, and kissed her forehead lightly. At the touch of his lips, her worry lines faded away, but she was still dormant.

  “I love you.” Cyrus said so quietly, that he hardly heard it himself.

  It was a small step towards the big picture, but a step nevertheless.