He's taken, I'm broken (Louis Tomlinson)

Chapter 33

"I'll go!" I said.

"Me." Harry said at the the same time.

I looked at him and he at me. "Please let me go first." I begged. He stared at me for some time, debating on whether he wanted to argue about being the first one to meet him or just let me see him first.

I knew my face showed that I couldn't wait any longer to meet Louis so he just sighed and said. "Okay."

My face brightened just a little. "Thanks."

He just shrugged and then sat down as he had also stood up when the nurse had told us that Louis had woken up.

I followed the nurse to Louis room. Before I entered the room the nurse told me not to stress him out. "He is in a weak condition so please don't say something to him which could upset him and call me if he needs something or if something happens. Now go meet him. You're Lauren right? He has been asking for you."

"Okay." I said and opened the door as quietly as I could.

I gasped when I saw Louis. He looked horrible. He had so many needles and wires attached to his body. His leg was in a cast. His spine and ribs were also bandaged. It all looked so painful. He was staring up at the ceiling when I had opened the door but he turned to look at me when he heard me. A smile appeared on his face when he saw me.

"Hi." He whispered in a weak voice.

I walked inside and quietly closed the door. I went to sit on the chair beside his bed. "Hi." I replied, trying to smile for him but I didn't succeed. The condition he was in was tearing me apart from inside; knowing it was my fault.

And his face also showed that he was in pain.

"I'm okay, Lauren. Please don't worry." He said, the smile never leaving his face. It wasn't really fake but I could tell that he was smiling to assure me. But he wasn't okay. He was in pain. Because of me.

"I'm so sorry Louis." I apologized.

His eyebrows knitted together and his forehead creased. "What are you sorry for?"

"Louis this is my fault. It's my fault that you're like this." I said, trying to keep the tears at bay.

He looked furious. "What? Are you kidding. This is not your fault. How can you think that? This is not your damn fault. Please don't think this is your fault Lauren." His voice softened. His look changed to worry.

"But it...... it is my fault. You shouldn't have tried to save me Louis. I should be the one lying here. Not you." I argued.

"Lauren. Are you serious? Do you think I would have let the car hit you. And let something happen to you. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if something had happened to you knowing it was my fault. If I hadn't shouted at you, if I hadn't accused you of doing something you had never done, if I hadn't upset you that way then none of this would have happened. This is my fault, not yours. And you're so much weaker than me. Do you think you would have been able to survive the accident. Its better this way. At least I'm alive. If something had happened to you then I'm not sure if I'd be breathing. Please don't blame yourself." His hand reached out to cup my face. "I'm sorry Lauren."

I looked down into his eyes. He rubbed his thumb back and forth across my cheek trying to calm me down. I shivered as his touch sent waves of electricity down my body.

"It's okay." I finally smiled at him. His face was just a few inches away from mine. I wanted to kiss him. I had missed his lips so much. I let my eyes travel down to his lips.

He must have wanted the same thing as his hand went to the back of my head and his fingers tangled into my hair and he lightly pulled my face down a little. I was shocked but I let him move my head until our noses were touching.

"I love you Lauren."

I was having problem breathing already.

"I love you too." I breathed out.

Our noses were touching and we were staring into each others eyes.

"I want to kiss you so fucking damn much."

I sucked in a breath through my mouth. I could feel the blood rushing to my face. My heart was hammering against my rib cage.

"Then why don't you?" I surprised myself by saying those words out loud.

He sighed deeply. "Eleanor."

"Oh." He loves her. I could feel my heart breaking. He loved Eleanor. Of course he did. I felt tears springing to my eyes. I shouldn't have let myself believe that he didn't. I started to pull away but he pulled me back.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"I.... you said that-"

"Lauren. I just meant that I've not broken up with Eleanor. I don't want to cheat on her. No matter how it is. I can never dream of cheating. And believe me. I don't love Eleanor the way I love you. I know this sounds like I was using her but thats not bad since I think she doesn't love me that way either but I still can't kiss you until I've broken up with her. Seeing what happened last time I-"

I cut him off by roughly capturing his face between my hands and crashing my lips down on his. I could tell that he was shocked by my sudden boldness and I felt him hesitate. I moved my lips slowly against his, trying to convince him to do the same. After two seconds, he finally gave in and started to kiss me back. After 5 minutes of kissing heavily without, literally, breathing I finally pulled away.

He was breathing heavily and his lips were already swollen. I knew mine didn't look much different.

"What... did... you do that.. for?" He asked, taking several breaths in one sentence.

"I talked to Eleanor before.... you woke up. She... said... what you just..... did. She thinks... of you as... just a friend." I replied in the same way he had.

His eyes widened and his face split into a real and not forced smile. He looked so happy.

"Then what are you doing there?" He pulled me down to him again.

Our lips moved in sync. "Climb up." He ordered against my lips. He was having trouble kissing me properly because he had to turn since I was sitting a little far off from him. I carefully climbed onto the bed, our lips never leaving contact, and sat on his stomach trying to keep my weight off of him. He winced as I moved.

"I'm so so-" I pulled away and said but he silenced me by sticking our lips together again. His hands travelled from my hair to my back, rubbing circles. One hand slipped inside my shirt and rested on my back. Goosebumps appeared when our skin made contact and my skin tingled. I occupied my hands by wrapping my fingers into his hair, tugging lightly. His tongue slid into my mouth, exploring every corner. I lifted myself a little and grinded against him. He groaned and bit down on my lower lip. The butterflies in my stomach were having a battle.

He pulled away and looked at me and smirked. "Slow down. I don't think Lily needs siblings yet."

My mood changed drastically when those words left his mouth. My smile dropped and I averted my gaze away from him.

"What's wrong Lauren?" Louis asked, turning my face with his fingers so I could meet his gaze.

"No- nothing." I replied, trying to sound offhanded.

"Somethings wrong. I can tell." He pestered.

"No. I-"

I was cut off by the door opening. I turned around and found Eleanor standing in the doorway. I started blushing furiously when I realized where I was and climbed down from the bed, keeping my eyes glued on the floor.

"How long were you going to take Lauren? All of us want to meet him, you know that, right?" I looked up at her. She had a smirk plastered on her face. She walked inside.

"Err.. you can talk to him.. uh, I'm done." I stuttered.

"Good." She sat down on the chair beside the bed and I started to leave but Louis caught my hand.

"Don't leave." He whispered.

I looked at him and then at Eleanor. She nodded and I went to the other side of the bed and sat down on the little space left on the bed.

"Are you okay Louis?" Eleanor asked.

"Yes." He smiled.

"Look, lets get to the point. I'm sure Lauren told you. Didn't she?"

"Yes she did but not everything."

"Well. I can tell that you love her. Much more than me. And it's okay. It is. I met Nate. Do you remember him? I told you about him. He explained everything to me and I agreed to give him a chance. But I still want us to be friends Louis. Promise me we'll remain friends. And please don't think that I'm doing this because of what the accident did to you. I would never leave because of that, I-" She stopped talking when she saw my frantic expression.

My eyes had widened and I was shaking my head, trying to get her to stop talking.

"What do you mean?" Louis asked.

Shit.

He turned to look at me. I kept my mouth shut.

"What does she mean Lauren? You know what she's talking about, don't you? Tell me!"

"No. It's nothing." I said, trying to keep my voice from trembling.

"Tell me Lauren!"

I covered my face with my hands, trying to hide my expression. I was crying already.

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