Hey There Delilah (Sequel to Not The Same)

Redamancy

Today we went to court. Just Eleanor and I. You know those things that you do and you do it sort of mechanically even though it's something you usually wouldn't do? There's just so much to think about while it's taking place that you just don't think. That's what court was like. I didn't think. I didn't take the time to look around and absorb what was happening because I still have that tiny sliver of doubt in me and I don't want to doubt myself. I want to be confident in this because this is the end to the life I'd always known. Eleanor didn't say anything out loud, but I think she was doubting this too. On the way to the courthouse she told me that she hadn't told anyone about this, not even Louis. I hadn't told anyone other than Declan, not even Roman knew. We went during lunch, so we needed to hurry. After signing the papers, our judge hit her gavel.

"Eleanor Calder and Louis Tomlinson have now officially taken the place of guardianship over Delilah Payne, from Liam Payne and Audrey Payne. Court dismissed."

I didn't correct her on my mother's last name and that's when it hit me. She wasn't my mother anymore. I didn't get to call her that anymore, I didn't get to go crying to her when I was upset or hug her after every single one of my shows. I couldn't think of how proud I was making her because that wasn't my job anymore. Just like that the room started spinning and I, very wobbly, followed Eleanor out of the courtroom while everyone inside got ready for the next case. No matter how much air I tried to swallow, my lungs wouldn't fill. I felt myself fall and something caught me, either the wall, the ground, or Eleanor. I wasn't sure.

"Delilah? Honey, are you okay? What's wrong?" Eleanor's voice pulled my somewhat back to consciousness but I didn't bother trying to focus my eyes. Everything seemed to blur together in a messy sort of way, just like my life.

"Eleanor, that was wrong!" I told her, tears streaming down my face. I felt her cold hands press against my face, forcing me to look a her. My eyes focused on her brown ones. The cool from her hands brought me back and I gasped in a breath of air.

"You don't know that! You don't know that that was wrong. Who was that wrong for?"

"My mom." I sobbed, "She doesn't have a daughter anymore."

"But you may have just given her a husband if everything works out like we want it to." True. That was one of the goals. So that my mom could stay with me and since I had to stay with Lou and El now, her and Liam have no choice but to be together. It hurts me a lot, but I guess I just love her that much. Like when you're dating someone but you break up with them because you know they'd be better and happier with someone else. This is what's best for her. She's getting everything she's always wanted and I guess she will always be my birth mother. I hadn't spoken in awhile and I guess Eleanor picked up on that, "Do you know what redamancy is?" She asked me. I shook my head. "It's a noun that means 'the act of loving the one who loves you or a love returned in full'. You're always going to have that between you and Audrey but now you can have it between me and you as well."

I had thought what I was doing was a selfish act but I guess it isn't. Eleanor didn't say it, but I knew she meant it. When she said 'now you can have it between me and you' she had said it like I was the one who needed it but she was the one who needed it more. That's another part I kept forgetting, I'm the closest thing Eleanor has or ever will have to a daughter, I guess she kind of needs to hold onto that.

We got up and small talked our way to her car. Once we were in, she turned to me.

"Delilah, I want you to know that I want to be a mother to you. Completely. I guess when everyone finds out, me and your mom will have to talk. Also, you don't have to call me mom, unless you're comfortable with it." All I did was smile because I realized that no matter what, it would all work out okay in the end. On the way home, we had agreed to not tell anyone; to wait until they got the papers telling them what we had done because we were both to scared to tell them ourselves. Then we walked into the X Factor building for the second half of the day and pretended like we hadn't just flipped the tables on everyone.