Lay Me Down

Part 9

I love Adele. I know I do but maybe love isn't enough sometimes. I've never loved anything or anyone as much as I love my daughter and then Adele came along and I realized I need her. I need her more than she needs me. No one has ever made me feel the things she has and our relationship hasn't even been that long. As much as I feel like I should just give up on this I can't. I can't breathe without her. I can't eat without her. I can't sleep without her. I can't be the best dad or person without her. In such a short time she's shown me things about myself that I didn't realize. But is this enough... Can I make her truly happy like she deserves...

I love Simon. I thought I loved my past boyfriends but nothing compares to the love I have for him. He's the first one I've ever said those three words to and meant every word. I was so broken and lonely before he came along. He believes in me and values me as a person. He makes me want to be better and do more. He makes me feel like I can change the world. I know I don't tell him enough how much he means to me and maybe that's my fault but being this vulnerable scares the shit out of me. The feelings I have for him are so real it's hard to breathe sometimes. But he does have a daughter and a lot comes with that. What would I be to her? Is meeting her the next official step? I know I can make him happier than he's ever imagined but is that truly enough? Wouldn't it be easier to just leave and walk out before we get too invested? But I can't... I love him too much...

From the way she talks to the way she walks, Adele is everything I've ever wanted. I could only dream about being lucky enough to get to call someone as incredible as her mine. The way she cares for me is out of this world and how she is so selfless in everything she does. I know my daughter would love her. But my daughter is everything to me and as much as I love Adele, if Georgie doesn't like her I have to leave. I could never be with someone who Georgie wasn't comfortable with. It scares me. This is the first real relationship since my divorce and I've never been happier and enjoyed life so much. Everything I've ever wanted is right in front of me. The love of my life is in the other room probably pouting and watching one of her favorite Al Pacino movies while eating a takeaway. And my beautiful daughter is an hour away asleep with no worries and her whole life ahead of her. There's nothing more that I need but how long will this satisfy me...

The way he rubs his beard when he's starting to get stressed or how his eyes light up when his daughter calls. I love those small things about Simon. I could spend hours talking about him and never get bored. He teaches me new things everyday about life and myself. It scares me though that he has a daughter. Am I getting over my head? Can I handle that? I love the love he has for her and never in a million years would I ask him to choose me over her. But when I do meet her and if she doesn't like me that could be the end of Simon and I. If that does happen am I ready to just walk away? I'm eternally grateful for everything I have. Never in my wildest dreams did I think this would ever be my life. I'm successful in the career that I absolutely love and sitting in the living room is the man that completely changed my life. He's probably watching a football game and making a mess on the sofa with a bag of crisps. As much as I couldn't stand the idea of being alone again, maybe right now that's what I need...

Before I met Adele I didn't know exactly who she was. I didn't know that she was this mega star who people invited into their lives. I think the reason people are so drawn to her is because how real and in a way vulnerable she is. She doesn't fake anything she does and makes people believe every word she's saying. She reminds them of their best friend or sister or mom or whoever but she changes people's lives. That's what I love about her. She knows that she's successful but you wouldn't realize it by how she acts. I could be having the worst day but the moment I think of her or see a text or call from her, my day is a thousand times better. I want more than anything to be on my death bed and have Adele and my daughter be the last people I see. But too many what ifs are running through my mind...

Before Simon I thought I would never love again. I was truly heartbroken and more lonely than ever. But I think you only learn to love again when you love someone new and I learned that when I found him. I wasn't looking or asking to be found, he just kind of appeared and my life completely flipped and suddenly I was happier than I thought possible. Even with all my voice problems he still managed to put a smile on my face every single day. Of course there were times when we had little disagreements but nothing where I wanted to give up...until now. You always hear about that one big fight that breaks couples up and I've had plenty of them so was this our fight? If I'm honest I'd hope it wasn't but a part of me thinks it would be easier if it was...

Adele, I love you more than you will ever know but maybe this is it...

Simon, I love you more than life itself but maybe this is it...