Lay Me Down

Part 16

Pregnancy was very different than what I thought. The closer my due date got, the more nervous I got. I kept telling myself that feeling this way was normal and that all new mums go through this. For the rest of this baby's life I will be responsible for him or her. The way I act towards Simon, towards Georgie, towards my friends and pretty anyone this kid will watch me. They will learn about life from me. They will ask me questions that I don't know the answers to and somehow I have to make the world make sense for them. Everything I am and will be is because of how much creating this life will change me. From now on my life revolves solely around this tiny little creature that I grew inside of me and who will soon come into the world. Am I ready for this? There isn't any return policy on something like this so I have to learn as I go and try my best to guide them in the right direction as much as possible. In all honestly this frightened the shit out of me. In a short time I will be someone's mum and that blows my mind.

Simon got more excited with each passing day and was constantly talking about how he couldn't wait to have another baby. Georgie was always talking about what she was going to teach the baby and how she would play with him or her all the time. It really made my heart burst whenever they talked about how much they already loved this baby. I knew though that because of this pregnancy work would be put on the back burner and for the first time I was okay with that. I loved my career and was so lucky to be able to do what I love but my number one priority was to be the best mum I can be. I still wasn't sure with how long I wanted to take off but I knew that I wouldn't be able to return to work until I felt that my child and I had the relationship that would allow me to be gone during the day. Even now I was already feeling guilty about leaving them at any point in the future. If I'm like this now, how would I be when I really do return to work? I just needed to focus on the present and leave everything else for later.

Laura was throwing me a baby shower and as much as I told her I didn't want anything she insisted so I let her plan whatever she wanted. It truly blew me away how supportive her and everyone else were with the whole pregnancy. Especially Simon. He was having to deal with the constant food cravings and the never ending foot massages and back rubes. Not to mention the crazy hormones that were overpowering me and made me act so many different ways. The one thing I did miss about not being pregnant was the drinking. Oh my god how I missed being able to drink whenever I wanted but I just keeping telling myself how worth it it will be in the end.

At times it seemed this pregnancy was going by faster than I could keep up. But other times, like when I was too sick to move or so tired I couldn't remember what day it was, it felt as if the days had more than 24 hours in them. Plus not only did my stomach and boobs get bigger but every single inch of me did as well. This tiny little human was taking over my whole body and as badly as I wanted to be mad about it, I couldn't. Maybe it was my crazy hormones or something else but I kept finding Simon so unbelievably sexy and couldn't keep my hands off of him. Of course he wasn't complaining and was soaking it all up since once the baby was born he knew nothing was going to happen for at least six weeks afterwards. It didn't matter what time of day it was or what he was doing all I had to do was give him a look and he knew what I wanted.

I did start to worry about Georgie though. When she was at our house I noticed how needy she was with our attention. No matter what she was doing she wanted one of us around her at all times. 'Do you think the baby is starting to affect Georgie?' I asked Simon while we were getting ready for bed. He spit out his toothpaste. 'What do you mean?' I turned slightly to the left to look at him. 'I've just been noticing how needy she's been lately and she doesn't really wanna talk about the baby.' Simon walked towards me and grabbed my hands. 'Babe, she's six almost seven. It's just that age. But everything changing is probably scarring her so all we can do is give her all the attention she wants now.' He kissed the top of my forehead. 'I'm just worried that's all.' I quietly said. 'How about we go talk to her?' He asked. 'I think we should.' We made our way into Georgie's room where she was lining up all her stuffed animals for bed. 'Hi, baby girl. Can Adele and I talk to you?' Simon asked as we walked over to her bed. 'Ok, daddy.' Simon and I stared at each other for a moment not sure what to say. 'You know how Adele is having a baby and we're all really excited. We just want to know how you feel about it.' Georgie looked from me to Simon and then down at the ground. 'What's wrong, honey?' I asked her. There was a moment of silence and then she wrapped herself around my arm. 'I'm scared. What if you and daddy don't love me anymore?' Shocked, Simon and I couldn't believe what we just heard. 'That's what happened when mummy had Otis. Her and Jack don't like me anymore.' Tears silently rolled down our faces.