The Miner's Wife

CH2: A chance meeting

Katniss POV

I look at myself in the mirror.

This won't do.

With shaking fingers, I unbraid my hair, allowing my long, black hair to fall freely over my shoulders. It makes me look younger, and I'll need that tonight. It also makes me look different. It's almost as if it turns me into someone else.

I'll need that, too.

I go to the kitchen and find the sharpest knife we've got. The one Gale used to gut rabbits with, years ago, before the electric fence was on day and night. I go back to the bathroom, and over the sink, I cut myself. The knife is so sharp, it slices through the soft skin of my inner forearm easily. It hardly hurts at all. Gale always kept his knives in pristine condition, and I haven't used this particular one since before he died.

The blood drips into the sink. It creates intricate patterns, mingling with drops of water that still remain from before, when I washed the coal dust off my face. I stare at it, hypnotized, for a few seconds. Then I snap out of it, and catch the drops of blood with the index finger of my other hand. I spread the blood over my cheeks, thinly, creating the illusion of a blush in them. I create the illusion of good health and actual life. Then I do the same with my lips.

It's better. I still look pale and drawn, but at least it's... better.

I go back into the living room, where my mother is waiting. Ivy is sleeping on her chest. It's taken forever to put her to sleep. I hardly have any milk left for her, and neither does Prim's goat. We are both starving. We are all starving.

My mother looks up and meets my eyes. "Katniss..." Her voice is pleading.

I shake my head. "Don't."

There are tears in her eyes. "Please..."

I walk over to her, crouching down next to her so I can look straight at Ivy's sleeping face. Her arm is stretched out, her hand resting on my mother's neck. It should be nice and chubby. It isn't. "That's why," I whisper to her, stroking my daughter's hand. Very carefully. I don't want to wake her now that she has finally fallen asleep. But, I need to gather courage. I need to remember why.

I don't look back. I put on my winter boots. I should've bought new ones two winters ago, but Arrow needed a coat and we couldn't afford both. I wrap my upper body in a large woolen shawl and venture out into the snow. The biting cold nearly takes my breath away. The wind is the worst, though. It blows right through the shawl, and within minutes, I'm shivering. I walk faster to try to keep warm. I can't be late.

Cray has been interested in me for years. Ever since I was 14 or 15. I was oblivious to it at first, but Gale pointed it out to me. He told me to be careful. It would break his heart to know what I'm doing. But what choice do I have?

I'll have to compete for his attention tonight, and I'll be competing against girls who are younger and prettier than me.

I feel a wave of nausea.

I think about the children. Ivy, with her rail thin arms and thighs. Arrow, with his gray, knowing eyes, far too large in his little face. The final paycheck from the mines didn't last long. Mother, Prim and Hazelle have tried to help, but they are starving, too. I'm not the only one whose children's lives are on the line. The electricity on the fence is on 24 hours a day now and it has been for years, so I can't hunt. There are no jobs to be found. I've tried everywhere. But who wants to employ a Seam widow with a baby at her breast, who has no real skillset in life, except archery?

No one. That's who.

Despite the cold, I find myself slowing down as I approach his house. I've never been with anyone but Gale. I never wanted to, and I never thought I would. And now... I swallow. I know I'll have to leave Cray wanting more. I have to make him want me again, and again, and again. How am I supposed to manage that?