The Miner's Wife

Chapter 11: We're about to explode

Katniss's POV

The kiss seems to linger on my lips.

I look at my reflection in the bathroom mirror as I change out of the day's clothes. It's late, and I really ought to go to bed. But... I can't look away from the mirror. The woman staring back at me is so different. Her pupils are dilated, and her cheeks are flushed. And her lips...

They certainly feel different.

I don't know why I leaned in to kiss Peeta on the cheek in the first place. It was such a great day, all because Peeta was generous enough to invite everyone in Arrow's class to his birthday party. The children had so much fun. I did, too. I don't generally like parties, but seeing the children's faces... It was everything.

Peeta stood there in the kitchen, the evening sunlight bathing his hair in gold. And I just did it - because I wanted to. But then he moved.

Our lips met.

And what did I do when I realized what happened? Nothing. I didn't even try to move away from him. It was an accident, and I could have just moved away and laughed it off. Instead, I parted my lips ever so slightly and leaned my body into his. I couldn't stop my body's reaction, demanding more. I wanted to kiss him more deeply, to touch him. All of him.

I'm not even ashamed to admit that he excited me. I could feel the wetness gathering between my legs as his large, strong hands pulled me closer.

I'm in trouble. How am I going to face Peeta tomorrow? What is he going to say? What am I going to say?

I've never shared a kiss with anyone but Gale before tonight. It wasn't how I had imagined it would be. My cheeks flush even more as I think about the things I've fantasized about before, in bed, late at night. I managed to stop touching myself while thinking of Peeta after he left for the Capitol. The shame was too overwhelming. After he left, the grief process I went through, actually the grief process I'm still going through, took up all the energy I had.

But now, I'm back to square one. Except it's worse, because we have actually... kissed. Even though the kiss was nothing like in my dreams - shorter, softer - it was somehow even better.

Because it was real.

What am I doing here? Who is the person staring back at me from the mirror?

I go to bed, but I can't sleep. I stare into the darkness, torn between arousal and shame. My fists close around the sheets in an effort not to dothat again. It's as if my entire body vibrates, but I've already done enough tonight to be ashamed of. I don't need one more thing. Instead, I recount every reason why wanting to be with Peeta Mellark is a terrible idea.

There are many reasons.

It doesn't work.

I remember what it was like to wake up next to him. It wasn't until then that I realized how starved I've been for human touch, for the feel of someone beside me in the darkness. For the feel of Peeta beside me?

After what seems like an eternity, I hear footsteps coming upstairs. He doesn't go to his bedroom. He opens the door to the room at the end of the hallway. A moment later, the door locks behind him.

I'm dead tired. It took me hours to fall asleep last night, and not 45 minutes after I did, Ivy made a fuss and I barely slept the rest of the night. Typical.

Peeta's not at home. He must have slipped out of the house at some point during the night. He doesn't return all day. He's never gone the whole day without at least telling me that he's going somewhere, and whether or not he'll be back for dinner. I try not to worry, but I can't help it. If something hasn't happened to him... then he must be avoiding me. Does that mean he regrets the kiss?