The Miner's Wife

Chapter 8: Children of the Seam

Katniss POV

With Peeta gone, it's very quiet. Especially at night. There's no one to play poker with. Haymitch won't come over to play with just me. There's no one to sit beside a fire with after the children are asleep. On the nights when Peeta and I didn't play poker, we would simply sit in the same room, both with a cup of tea and a book. There was little or no talking, but still, he was there, and now he's not. I find myself missing his presence.

It's so quiet. Is it odd that I find it even more quiet now than it was before, even when we didn't say anything?

I find myself sitting in a corner in the living room. I don't know how I got here or how long I've been sitting here. I've already walked Arrow to school, and I don't hear any noise coming from upstairs, so Ivy must still be napping. My body is shaking. Tears are rolling down my face. Gale is gone. He is gone. And I'm all alone.

After my father died, I had nightmares about being left alone. I would dream of a place where no one would find me. Or worse, where no one would want to find me.

There were other nightmares, too. I'd dream of losing someone. It was often my father, but not always. Sometimes it was someone else, someone I couldn't identify. But I knew losing that elusive person would destroy me forever; I wouldn't be able to go on. I would become like my mother - a shell of a person who wasn't really alive.

Perhaps that was the reason why, when Gale asked me to marry him, it took me several weeks to give him an answer. Was Gale that person? The one I couldn't live without if I lost him? And if so, was that reason enough to accept his proposal... or perhaps it was the very reason why I should say no?

And what did it mean that I didn't know? How are you supposed to know?

It hurt him when I didn't immediately answer yes.

The phone rings and I hesitate before answering. I'm not used to talking on the phone. I never had one living in the Seam.

It's Peeta. Hearing his voice, I sink down on the floor, my back against the wall. He's so far away. What do I say?

I'm empty.

He sounds hesitant. He initially talks about the garden, giving me instructions about seeds and trees - it's clearly just an excuse he's made up, and a bad one, too. I know the garden isn't the real reason why he called, but he doesn't seem to get to the point. If he has a point, that is. I don't say much, letting him do all of the talking. Tears have started to roll down my cheeks, but I don't want him to know how broken I am. So I say nothing.

He's quiet for a few seconds. Then he asks, "How are you doing, Katniss?"

I'm tempted to hang up, if only to avoid answering. "Why do you ask?" I try to dodge his question.

"You just seem so... far away."

"I am far away."

"You know what I mean."

Yes, I do know what he means. My chest is like a big, black hole. "I'm tired, Peeta. That's all." I can barely get the words out. I know he can't see my tears, but still, I think he must understand that I'm crying.

I hang up, and then I take the phone off the hook so he won't be able to call me again. For some reason, I just know that he will.

Our first kiss was in the afternoon after his last reaping. Gale's name was in there 42 times, and yet somehow, the odds were still in his favor. He was free. He knew his future was in the mines, but still, he could live. Perhaps not to old age, as few miners do, but at least he wouldn't die in the Hunger Games.