Loving Luch

Part 29

JUSTINE

The thing with drinking is it makes you forget about the pain, it makes you numb. It kinda flushes all the negative feelings inside of you, and you just feel high, everything is spinning and it feels so good. You tend to forget everything, even if it's temporary.

In some cases, getting wasted sucks all the truth in you, all the things you've been trying to hide and all the feelings you've been running from. The next thing you know, it is spilling out from your stupid mouth. The drunken mind speaks the sober heart they say and in this case Luch has proved it.

She laid flat on her back as I remove her shoes and shifted her in a better position.

As soon as the words escaped her mouth, she passed out. We had no choice but to drive back and take her home. Annie didn't mind besides it's still a night to remember. Everything with Flint and her went well. Flint wanted to stay but I insisted on staying with Luc. Hindi na rin nakipagtalo si Flint.

I was the reason why she was acting like this. I was the reason she was in pain for so long. I put her in this situation, and I'm adamant to take her out of this misery, and maybe then I can get out of mine too.

Hearing her say those words out loud, I should be happy, knowing she still loves me and that Maggie is not her girlfriend. But the thing is I'm not, how can I be happy seeing her in so much pain.

I laid beside her and it felt like dejavu. I remembered Luch laying flat on my bed after getting wasted with Paulo, Gavin and I. Parang ganito din yun, she was flat as tire and she was oblivious of my presence. Except for now she was consumed with so much pain, and she passed out struggling over it.

But if you just look at her, you'd think that she's all good, that she's not hurting and struggling. And only when those gray eyes open can you see how damaged and broken this lady is.

How she act so tough on the outside and yet so fragile inside, you can't really tell.

And so I try to savor this moment again, just like when I did 2 years ago. She was so at peace with her perfectly curled long lashes and streak of redness is now forming in her cheeks, must be the wine.

The lake house was indeed magnificent and we were at the perfect moment, under the big bright moon and the twinkling stars. It was a horrible feeling to bring up such topic but wala akong choice. We couldn't push past with our lives and move on kung hindi namin pag uusapan yun. And eventhough we end up in a rough path, I know it was already a big leap.

I am still looking at her, admiring such a beauty and the courage that lies within. She's tough. She went through hell but she used it as an inspiration to become better. She turned failure into strength and used it to fuel her passion for cooking and eventually put up her own restaurant.

She was a restaurateur at 28 and I couldn't be more proud of her. Kung pakikinggan mo siya it's like a walk in the park but I know how she struggled just to be where she is right now.

And then she flinched, like she was in pain, I scooted closer to her and removed locks of hair from her face. She was saying something, but it's barely audible.

And then she said it, in a very low and cracked voice, almost a whisper.

L:

"Please don't go Tin, please stay with me"

And then she flinched again, then she stopped moving.

A tear fled from my eye as I kissed her head softly. She wants me to stay. It made my heart ache and somehow there was hope in it.