Everybody Wants To Be A Gangster

Chapter 8

I talked with Jose and Antonio as always.

“Esos pinches peros”, Jose cussed angrily.

“Hijos de sus madres”, Antonio said.

I understand why they are angry. I’m angry too, especially with Alonzo. I hate that piece of shit. We let it go for now and started spray painting over the walls. After a while Antonio and Jose got tired.

“We’re going to go. You coming or staying?” Antonio said.

“Staying”, I said not taking my eyes off the wall.

“Here take this then”, Antonio said throwing me a gun.

I caught it.

“Thanks man”, I said.

“Yeah, see you later”, Antonio said.

“Bye bato”, Jose said.

“Bye you clowns”, I said.

They just glared at me and left. I smiled at those fools. I focused on my graffiti again. I was so concentrated I didn’t hear the footsteps.

“Hey”, a voice said.

I turned around and I saw Ramin. What the…

“What the hell are you doing here?” I said.

“Happy to see you too little brother”, Ramin said sarcastically.

“I’m not your brother as you put it”, I said angry.

“No matter how much you hate me you’ll still be family by blood”, Ramin said.

“My brother died when he walked out that door”, I spat angrily at him.

“We both know that’s not true”, Ramin said.

“Why are you bothering me?” I said.

“I want to make up with my brother”, Ramin said.

“Why now? Don’t you think it’s too late?” I asked.

“It’s never too late. I want to do this now because then later it might be too late. I was kid. I didn’t know what to do with you. I couldn’t support anyone. I later realized I had become our father by abandoning you. Guilt always overwhelmed me. I kept thinking what had happened to you. The last words our mother said to me were to take care of you but I failed her. I need to have my only family back in my life before it’s too late”, Ramin explained.

His eyes showed regret, pain, and hope.

“I don’t know Ramin. I don’t know if I could. After everything I don’t want anything from my past in my future”, I said.

One part of my brain said to forgive him and accept him back in my life but the other part told me I didn’t need him.

“I’ll give you time. I just want you to know I’m sorry. I had no right to leave you”, Ramin said.

We stared at each other then he left. The emotions hit me hard. What should I do? Was it worth the trouble? I ran my hands through my hair. I wanted to pull my hair out this instant. I looked at the sky. So many things are happening to me. I think God wants to teach me a lesson. I felt like punching someone. I needed to take my anger out. Most kids want to become a gangster. Why would they want this lifestyle? Why does everybody want to be gangster? Sure, there are a few things good about it but it causes so much trouble. I picked up the spray paint can and just stared at it. I looked around. Oh shit. El chota is here. Shit. Shit. Shit. He saw me and came towards me. I began to make a run for it.

“Stop”, he yelled after me.

Yeah, like I’m going to do that. He was catching up. I got an idea. Not a smart one but what the hell. I actually stopped and waited for him. He looked surprised. He got close and took out the handcuffs.

“You’re under arrest”, he said.

Once he got close I punched him. The impact of my fist and his jaw made a sound of something breaking. He fell on the floor. I punched him again and again. He had a busted lip bleeding the dark red liquid. It seemed to be onyx colored. His eye became a vibrant purple color fading into a black. His jaw had a bruise forming. I ran. I hate what I have become. My heart pounded quickly in my chest. My legs burned from running so much. My hand had a tight grip on the can. I stopped and began panting. I threw the can as hard as I could. Who am I? I never would punch a cop. I pulled on my hair. What would Natasha think of me? Sweet Natasha. She couldn’t hurt a fly. Even if I could be with her I don’t deserve her. She’s an angel and I’m a monster. What would my mother think of me? I need to get out of this mess. I can’t leave my familia though. Then there’s Ramin. Why? After everything he had to come back. I looked around and I saw that I was at a deserted street. I still have my gun. Its cold metal sometimes reminds me of my past. I just never want Natasha to find about the life I have and had. She’s too good. I walked away to go to Antonio’s house. I couldn’t help but wonder what happened to that cop. I shook my head clearing my thoughts. I had to be alert. Alonzo’s gang is still after us. I wonder how it would be to not be involved with any of this. It probably would be boring but it would be safe. I needed safety but I’ll maybe never have that. Trouble seems to look for me.

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Translations: El chota-the police, Esos pinches peros-those damn bitches

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