Poems For Daniel

Eleven

(A/N: Jeremy's side profile on the side ;) )

I returned to sleep, and was awakened by a vigorous shaking. "Wake up. Wake up. Wake up," my mother voice spoke. "It's Saturday! Leave me be!" I groaned. "You have a guest waiting for you in the living room," she informed me. "So?" I mumbled. "Safaree, come on," my mother began hitting me with pillows. I eventually got up. "Fine," I reluctantly spoke, taking pins from my hair. If I have a guest, I don't want to greet them with my hair looking unpresentable. I brushed my teeth before I walked into the living room, stretching along the way. I was fine until I saw Jeremy sitting on the couch of my living room. He was staring at me. For the first time in a long time, I felt uncomfortable under his gaze. My walking slowed before I came to a halt and looked down. "What are you doing here?" I mumbled. "I wanted to apologize for last night," he spoke, standing and coming towards me. I stepped back. "It's fine," I mumbled... "It's not, Safaree. I don't want you to see that side of me. It's just... it drives me crazy when people talk about you the way he was," he responded. "That's no excuse... Remember how you told me that people'll talk shit up and down and around about you, but until they actually do something--." "Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. I know," he sighed. "I know you're tired of the lectures and the talks of what's right and wrong... But, Jeremy... That shit you did last night was crazy! Do you know what kind of trouble we would've gotten in if you actually went through with that? Now, you've got him coming after you and maybe even me," I spoke. Jeremy rolled his eyes before sitting back down. "So, you don't care about the safety of us?" I asked. "I never said that, Baby girl," he spoke. "You don't have to say it, Jeremiah. It's all in how you act," I responded. He avoided eye contact before finally looking up at me. "Are you done?" he asked. 

I was about to choke the daylights out of him just as he did to another person last night, but I kept my hands behind my back. I leaned down toward him, my hands resting on his knees. "Cut the bullshit, Jeremiah... I know that sometimes, you forget who you're with, and I understand that," I spoke. Really, I didn't understand that at all, but he won't know that. "But, you're with me, and you don't have to worry about trying to look hard. Okay? I've seen all sides of you, as far as I know, so it's really no use in trying to act like a jerk," I told him. He looked bored with what I was saying before touching the oversized t-shirt I had on. He stared at it for a minute before smiling slightly. And, I knew exactly what he was thinking. "That's going to be my shit she's wearing, one day."  He looked up at me. "I'm sorry about last night," he simply spoke. "Well, I'm sorry too," I spoke. "What are you sorry about?" he inquired. Had he forgotten about the "I love you"? "Come on, Jeremy. You know what I'm talking about," I smiled slightly. "No idea," he shook his head. "Really?" I asked. "Really," he nodded. "So, you didn't even hear me express how I feel about you? You didn't even--." "I'm kidding, Safaree! I'm just playin'," he smiled, taking my hands into his. I smiled slightly while looking down. 

"Did you mean it?" he asked. "What?" I asked, looking up at him. "Did you mean what you said?" he restated the question. I looked down and remained quiet. "Answer me, please," he pleaded. "I don't know, Jeremiah... I don't know if I meant it. I don't know if it was the heat of the moment or if I really meant it... I'm sorry," I spoke, looking into his eyes. He looked down at our hands before releasing his from mine. "I think I'm going to leave," he softly spoke while standing... "Jeremy, wait," I took his hand into mine... "Stay for a little longer. Please," I looked up at him. "I think it's best if I don't," he replied. "Jeremy, I'm sorry," I apologized sincerely. "I accept your apology, Baby girl. It's just that... I think we should take a break just until you figure out how you feel about me," he spoke. My heart sunk a bit. "I know how I feel, Jeremy," I told him. "No, you don't... You may know how you feel, but you don't know what you need. You know what you want, but you don't know what's best for you... I'm not good for you, Safaree," he spoke. "Jeremy... Don't do this shit. Not now," I spoke. "I'm not the best thing for you... I'm a fuck-up... I'm a gang member. I'm a drug dealer. I'm a weed smoker, who's failing all of his classes. And, I nearly kill people once a week... I like you a lot... Hell, I might even love you, but I don't want you getting caught up in my bullshit," he spoke.