Poems For Daniel

Eighteen

I spent many of my days by Jeremiah's side while he was in the hospital. I tried to spend nights, but I was always told that visiting hours were up, and I had to leave. Seems like things have changed since I was last here with Daniel. I'd come everyday, and I'd stay until my mother called, telling me to come home. I'd spend the night on Fridays just because I wanted to, but I see the rules have become stricter. I returned home later than usual, and resisted sleep seeing as though I had a project to do for school. "Safaree," my mother's voice spoke from the doorframe of my room. I looked up at her with sleepy eyes. "You need some rest, Baby. Come on. Let's put this away," she spoke. "No, I have to f--." "No, no. You need some rest. Seems like you aren't sleeping a wink since Jeremy's been shot," she interrupted me while putting the materials away herself. "I just need to know that my baby's doing alright," I replied while half asleep. "He is, Safaree. He's fine," she replied while pulling back the covers of my bed. "I don't know how they're treating him, Mama. Things have changed nowadays. They could be underfeeding him or not giving him the right operation or something," I sighed. She picked me up and laid me in between the bed sheets. She tucked me in as I closed my eyes. She kissed my forehead. "He's fine. I promise," she spoke.. I dozed off in no time, and I woke up, the sun was barely up. I lied in bed, slipping in and out of slumber until I heard the doorbell ring.

I looked at the time, seeing that it was only 8:00 in the morning. "Who the fuck would be-- It's eight o'clock. Oh, my gosh. Why didn't anybody wake me?" I spoke, jumping out of bed and going into my bathroom. I brushed my teeth and began doing my hair for the day. "I am so fucking late," I muttered, grabbing a face towel. "Safaree! Come here!" I heard my mother yell. "In a minute, Ma!" I called, finishing brushing my teeth and beginning to wash my face. "Come here now!" she shouted again. I sighed, reluctantly turning off the sink water and making my way down the hall. "Ma, I know. I know. I overslept. I--." I stopped in my tracks as my eyes met anothers. My heart dropped into my stomach before fluttering back up to where it belonged. "Jer Bear!" I smiled, running into his arms. He picked me up and spun me around as I held him as tight as I could. "I love you. I love you. I love you," I kissed his lips each time I said it. "I love you too," he spoke, putting me down. "I missed you so much," I nearly shed tears. "I missed you too... I heard you couldn't sleep," he spoke, looking into my eyes. "I just didn't have the time to," I replied. "My poor baby," he caressed my cheek. He pecked my lips twice before intertwining our fingers.

I smiled slightly before leading him back into my room where we began kissing each other passionately. "I love you so fucking much," he spoke while I took off his jacket. He laid me onto my bed and kissed my neck tenderly. I sighed in pleasure before flipping us over. I took off my shirt before beginning to kiss his neck. "Safaree," he spoke. I looked at him as he placed his hand against my cheek. "You're the most beautiful person I've ever met," he spoke softly. I blushed before beginning to slip his shirt off of him. Once it was off, I stared at his chocolate torso. I ran my fingers along each of his scars. One scar on his neck that he got in a fight, in the cafeteria. The large bruise that still resided on his left side due to the car accident. And, last... the bullet wound. "You've gone through so much," I whispered. "And, you've been there through everything," he leaned up slowly and pecked my lips. I blushed, looking down. I stared at  his bullet wound. "Does it still hurt?" I asked. "Yeah, a little bit," he nodded. I leaned down and kissed the wound. "I just want make the pain go away, J," I told him, kissing my way up his body. "There's no such thing as pain when you're around, Baby," he replied as I kissed his adam's apple. "Only pleasure," he added. "Only pleasure, huh?" I rested my head on his shoulder. "Yeah," he bit his lip. I giggled. "Okay," I smiled.

I closed my eyes as my bra became unhooked. "Jeremy," I whined. "Just sit up, please," he put on a puppy dog face. I did as he pleaded me to before he sat up and slipped my bra off of me. He tossed it to the side before looking at my breasts and licking his lips slightly. I bashfully began to conceal myself, but he took my hands into his before I could. "Don't hide from me," he spoke while kissing my neck tenderly. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as his kisses moved down my chest slowly. He looked up at me before I watched his tongue slip from between his lips. I sighed in pleasure as he began sucking, biting, pinching, and teasing. "J-Jeremiah, quit," I moaned, throwing my head back. "Do you really want me to quit?" he asked into my ear, his voice deep and a bit devious. I bit my lip. "Huh?" he asked beginning to pinch. I smiled at him, my eyes half open. "I will neither deny or confirm," I answered before he smirked. "I bet you'll know when I start toying with that pretty little pu--." "Watch your mouth, Baby boy. I wouldn't want to have to punish you when you're fresh out of the hospital," I told him. He bit his lip. "I wouldn't want to be punished over here with your nosey sister and all... Let's say you come over tonight," he licked his lips. "I'll see what I can do," I simply answered. He smiled before pulling me close to him, my head resting on his shoulder as he lied down. "Come on... Since you couldn't sleep without me here, let's get some shut-eye," he told me. My breasts were against him as I nuzzled his neck slightly. "Jeremy," I spoke quietly. "Yeah, Baby?" he spoke, his fingers running up and down my spine. "I'm so glad you're back in my arms," I confessed. "Same here... Same here," he replied before kissing my forehead...

We dozed to sleep, and I didn't wake up until about 2:00 in the afternoon. I looked up at Jeremy, who was already awake and tracing little circles into my back. I let him know I was awake by kissing his cheek. "You're up," he smiled slightly. "Yes, I am," I smirked before sitting up from my lying position. I slipped on the shirt that was slipped off of me hours ago. I stared into Jeremy's eyes before speaking. "How'd you know that "if the bullet was two more inches over" thing?" "Oh, I'm really into the human body and shit like that," he answered. "Why don't you take what you're into and make a career out of it?" I suggested while poking him in the chest. "I'll think about it," he smirked. "No, you're gonna be about it as of right now," I smiled. "Says who?" he asked. "Says your wife," I answered. "Well... That's a valid point, but... I'm not going to listen," he smirked. "Jeremy, you--. Jeremy!" I began laughing as he flipped us and began tickling me. "Stop it," I laughed as my wrists pinned themselves to the bed. He eventually stopped before lacing our fingers and lying in between my legs. He looked into my eyes with a smile before speaking. "I love you." "I love you too," I pecked his lips. He smiled slightly before closing his eyes slightly and burying his face in the curve of my neck. For about five minutes, we laid in a comfortable silence until he spoke while half asleep.

"I'm sorry for being jealous all the time, and I'm sorry for getting mad over the smallest things. I'm sorry for not being your knight in shining armor. I'm sorry for being the total opposite from Daniel... I'm sorry for not being good enough," he spoke, sounding as if he dozing to sleep when he said it. "I'm sorry for not being Daniel."

My eyebrows furrowed before I spoke. "Jeremy." He abruptly opened his eyes. "Sit up. Sit up," I told him. He did so along with me. I took his hands into mine and looked into his sleepy eyes. "Jeremy, wake up," I patted his cheek. He blinked several times before looking into my eyes. "Why'd you say that?" I asked. "Why'd I say what?" he asked. "You said that you were sorry for not being good enough. You said you were sorry for not being Daniel, Jeremiah," I spoke. He looked down. "No, look me in the eye and say that shit, Jeremiah," I forced him to look at me. He sighed, avoiding eye contact. "Look at me," I demanded, feeling tears coming. "I'm sorry for not being Daniel," he admitted while looking me dead in the eye. "Why would you say that?" I asked, my throat tightening. "It just seemed like... he took all the pain away, Safaree. He made you feel better despite him being in the hospital, where people die and shit. Despite him having cancer, you loved him. You loved him more than you love me," he confessed. "No, don't say th--." "What do I have to do, Safaree? What do I have to do?" he asked. "You don't have to do--." "If Daniel came back into your life right now, would you choose him or me? And, I swear to God if you say me just because I'm your boyfriend or just because "I'm more open than he was", I'll walk out the goddamn door and never come back," he spoke. I looked into his eyes, my tears eventually rolling down my cheeks.

"Why... Why do you feel like you have to compete with my past, Jeremy? I love you and only--." "Don't give me that bullshit, Safaree. You love him. You still love him whether you want to admit it or not," he interrupted me. "Why are you making me choose between you and someone who isn't even here?" I asked. "You're asking me why I said what I said, and I'm just trying to prove my point," he replied. I closed my eyes as more tears came and he stared at me. "Look at who's making you cry right now, Safaree... Did Daniel ever make you cry?" he asked. "Stop it," I said while looking down. "Huh? Did Daniel ever make you cry?" he repeated. "Stop," I restated. "He didn't, did he? You never even thought about crying when you were around Daniel, did you? But, look... You're crying when you're with me. I mean, I think it's pretty obvious what your answer's going to b--." "Stop, Jeremiah. Stop it right now," I looked up at him and pushed him. "Am I hitting a nerve for you, Safaree? Is that what it is? Did Daniel--." "Shut the fuck up right now, Jeremy," I glared at him. "Not until I get my answer, Safaree," he replied. "Jeremy, I gave my fucking virginity to you. You were the first boy I've ever confessed my love to. I've done things with you and for you that I wouldn't have done for anybody else. I've given myself to you, Jeremiah. What more do you want?" I cried. "Your heart, Safaree... That's all I've ever wanted," he replied. "You have it, J--." "No, I don't, Safaree... I have a place in your heart, but I don't have your heart... Your heart still belongs to Daniel," he shook his head. I stared at Jeremy as he stood from my bed.

"Call me when you figure things out," he spoke while putting his shirt on. "Jeremiah," I spoke in an attempt to make him stop and come back to me. He stopped and looked at me. "I love you," I said. His cold expression softened for a few seconds before he looked down and simply walked out... never to return...

I wiped my tears before throwing my pillow across the room and lying down.

"Damn it!" I shouted, nothing but anger boiling inside me.