Poems For Daniel

Fourteen

The next morning, at school, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist while I was at my locker. A pair of lips pressed themselves against my cheek. "Hey, Baby," Jeremy's voice rang into my ear. I slowly pushed his arms from around me and faced him. "Not here, Jeremy," I told him. "Why not here, Safaree?" his eyebrows furrowed. "You're my girl, aren't you?" "Of course I am, but--." "You're embarassed to be with a nigga like me, aren't you?" he asked. "No, it's just that I'm not the person for PDA.  We only play the roles in private. I told you. Remember?" I spoke. "Don't give me that bullshit, Safaree. You know you're ashamed of me," he spoke, his voice low and his teeth clenched. "Can we talk about this later?" I sighed, taking a binder out of my locker. "No, Safaree. We need to talk now," he spoke, looking at me with angry eyes. The bell rang. "Some other time, okay?" I touched his cheek. His hard expression softened before he took my hand into his and kissed the back of it. "I love you," he spoke sincerely. I smiled slightly as he intertwined our fingers. "I love you too," the words just rolled off my tongue. He looked into my eyes longingly and as if he really needed me, but I was late to class... I pulled my hand from his before beginning to walk away. I hadn't even made it halfway down the hall when I was stopped by him again. "Meet me fifteen minutes after fourth period starts," he whispered in my ear while his arm wrapped around my waist from behind. I nodded. "Okay." His arm slowly released me before I heard the sound of his footsteps begin to fade. I continued toward the basement of the building, where most fine art classes are, and toward the art room. I took my seat after a brief "don't be late again" speech from Mrs. Lowater...

I eventually met Jeremy in the hall during fourth period. I met him at his locker, and he smiled once he saw me. "C'mere," he bit his lip at me while taking my hand into his. He pulled me close and hugged me, his arms wrapping around my waist and making me feel secure. He hugged me like he meant it. "I'm sorry about yesterday... I was being a bit immature," he apologized. It wasn't an authentic apology, but I really didn't feel like arguing with him. "It's fine," I simply spoke. I could tell that he really wanted to ask something... "So... What's up with this "play the roles in private" bullshit?" he inquired. I opened my mouth to say something smart, but then I reminded myself that I didn't want to argue with him. "I already told that we only play the roles in private, Jeremiah," I sighed. "But, why? Why?!" his voice rose. "Look... If your boys knew that I was yours, they'd never leave me alone," I told him. "Yes, the fuck they would!" he replied with confidence. I rolled my eyes. "Look, Jeremy--." "No, you look, Safaree... You're my girlfriend. You agreed that we'd be boyfriend and girlfriend. As boyfriend and girlfriend, we need to let everybody know that we're boyfriend and girlfriend," he spoke. 

To be honest... I'm not ready to commit to Jeremy. One minute, he's the sweetest and the nicest and the cutest... the next minute, he puts up this damn front. He starts acting hard, immature, and like a pig. He'll grind against me, grab my ass, make sly sexual remarks... It makes me feel like a piece of meat. It makes me feel like I'm only here for his entertainment. It makes me feel like less than a person... But, I have to think about what he's gone through since he was fourteen and who he's been around at that malleable age. He was probably a good boy, but once he was around the thugs, drug lords, drug dealers, and gang members, they sculpted him to be just like them... They, most likely, didn't beat in his head to be like them, but they were setting an example... If anything, they wouldn't want him around all of that, and they were beating in his head to be anything but them... But, he probably saw the easy money... 

He's been around the raunchy boys for his malleable years, but I know that boy that he used to be is still in there... I see him when we're alone... Only when we're alone... When he blushes and when he tells me I look beautiful. And, when he bites his lip out of nervousness instead of seduction. When his mocha brown eyes gaze into mine in admiration. Earlier, when he took forever to leave me to walk to class... when he kisses me out of love instead of lust. And, even when he's annoying. Like, when he took Daniel's box from me... Yeah, that a part of the little boy i rather not have, but...