Poems For Daniel

Thirty

"Do you think Daniel did it?" Serene asked... I was too lost in my thoughts to even reply. I was staring at the floor with my knees to my chest as the image of "D E A D" was replaying over and over and ov--. "Safaree." I looked at Serene, breaking out of my thoughts. "Do you think it was Daniel?" she repeated. "Wh-Why would it be Daniel?" I inquired. "Well, he left you that note, but its blank. I mean, what if he wrote that dead thing, and it's gone today, like it never happened," she suggested. "No," I shook my head. "If Daniel was dead, he wouldn't do it so harsh. He'd let me down easily because he knows how much I love him," I sighed. The doorbell rang, and my eyes rolled and stomach twisted in response.

"Do you want me to stay here or can you handle it?" Serene asked. "I'll call you if I need you," I smiled slightly. "Alright," she kissed the top of my head before leaving the room. "Hey, where's Safaree?" I could hear his voice in the hall. "She's in there," Serene replied. "Thanks," he said. He slowly walked in, and when he did, we stared at each other. He eventually approached me and sat next to me. I scooted away from him a bit. "Don't be like that, Baby," he took my hand into his. I snatched it back while sighing. "I'm sorry. I just thought--." "I needed you, Jeremiah. I just needed you to be there for me and comfort me and hold me and fucking make me forget, but no! It was inconvenient for you," I spoke before I began yelling. "Do you realize how much you inconvenience me? Do you--." He kissed me, his hands on each side of my face. "I'm sorry... I didn't think it was something serious, but even if it wasn't, I should've been there... I love you," he whispered while continuing to kiss my lips.

This would've been better if I was still losing my shit and shaking. It would've meant more if he'd shown up while I was still feeling that way; this kiss would've been more special if I really needed him like I did last night... I pulled away from him, but he simply took that as an opportunity to start kissing my neck. "Jeremiah, stop. Stop! I'm really vunerable right now," I pushed him off of me. "Babe, I understand that, but--." "Jeremiah, just... stop, please," I whispered. "What do you want me to do?" he asked. "I wanted you to be there, but I'm not fully sure if I want that anymore," I spoke quietly. "Baby..." he caressed my cheek. I closed my eyes, my body softly quaking as I bit my bottom lip. It was that internal purring that was occuring whenever he caressed my cheek, his thumb following my freckles. "Just tell me what happened, okay? And, I'll do my best on trying to help," he spoke softly. I sighed..

"The thing that Serene wanted me to read was information on Daniel. And, the next time I saw it, it had the word 'dead' on it... I want to say it was Daniel, but I know he wouldn't do something like that. He knew how sensitive I was," I told him. "I'm sure that, uh... everything'll come together eventually," he said. "Come here," he spoke after a brief pause. I sat on his lap, my legs on either side of him... "You know that I love you, and even though you've been working my nerves lately, I still love you. I'll always love you no matter what, Safaree. If you do me wrong, if you say some hurtful shit you don't mean, I'll still love you... Will you still love me?" he asked. "Of course I will," I answered, looking into his eyes. My fingertips ran against his shirt as his fingers traced circles in my lower back. "I love you so much, Safaree," he said. "I love you too," I smiled slightly, feeling a wave of serenity rush over me. He pecked my lips before pushing my upper body into his. His head rested on my shoulder.

It felt as though the war was over. A weight was lifted from my shoulders as he held me. It felt as though all was right in the world, at least for the moment. It felt as though I had nothing to worry about.. I needed this, especially from Jeremiah since we haven't been gelling like we used to. I just needed some peace between me and one of the people I love most.

"Thanks for coming over," I whispered. "It's nothing," he whispered. I caressed his face and ran my fingers through his hair. "I'd never do anything to hurt you," he reminded me. "I wouldn't do anything to hurt you either," I replied while looking into his eyes. He kissed my lips and held me tighter than before. We continued kissing for what seemed to be ten minutes before I slipped my hand under his shirt. He kissed my neck as my hand rubbed against his smooth brown skin. "We can't do this in here," I whispered. "Who said anything about doing all of that in here?" he inquired. I rolled my eyes playfully as he chuckled. He pecked my lips and intertwined our fingers... "You mean the world to me," he gazed into my eyes. My heart fluttered as I smiled slightly. "Look at your cheeks," he smiled that goofy smile that I haven't seen in ages. "They're turning red," he added, pulling me closer. He kissed my cheek before his head returned onto my shoulder. His hands moved to my ass...

"I can't wait until we're married," he mumbled. "It's going to be great." "Not if we start fighting," I sighed. He sighed in return. "Yeah, we've gotta work on that," he replied. "We can't just ignore each other, J. We've got to talk, and when we talk, we can't yell. We're close to being adults, and we have to handle our problem like adults," I said. "Yeah," he nodded, agreeing... We continued talking about certain things, avoiding the topic of Daniel in its entirety. It was on both of our minds, and I knew it was, but we didn't speak of it once...

I eventually returned to my room, Jeremiah following close behind me. He picked me up as soon as the bedroom door was closed. "Put me down," I laughed as he spun me. "Why should I?" he inquired. I laughed before he let me down. I lied on the bed as he hovered over me. "Guess what?" he asked. "What?" I smirked slightly. "I love you," he whispered in my ear. I smiled and playfully rolled my eyes. "Oh my gosh, Jeremiah." He kissed the shell of my ear before his lips began trailing my neck. "Jeremy, stop," I giggled. "I love you so much," he whispered. I was pushing him in a manner that let him know that  I didn't really want him to stop. He seemed so serious. It was rare when he was excruciatingly serious like this. Usually he'd do this playfully, smiling and smirking and teasing, but... he seemed so serious. "Hey," I made him look up at me. His eyes met mine. "Are you okay?" I asked. "I'm fine," he nodded before pecking my lips. There was a knock at my door. Jeremiah got from on top of me, and I approached my closed bedroom door. "Hey. Mom went out somewhere. Apparently, she found some more stuff on Daniel or whatever. And, I'm about to leave," she informed me. "Oh, okay. Have fun," I told her before returning back into my room.

I sat at the edge of the bed. I watched him take off his shirt and jeans while I stripped down myself. We climbed into bed together, where he continued trailing my body with kisses... I guess it's a good thing that he's being serious right now. I mean, maybe... It means more to him today. Maybe, he just wants this time around to feel special. He wants to make love to me. Maybe, this is his apology for not swinging by last night, and he's sincerely sorry. I sighed as my eyes closed. Pleasure rippled through me as my fingers sunk into his hair. "I love you," I whimpered, my back arching in the process. The bed sheets became our home as we tossed and turned, sharing love with each other with each passing second. I haven't felt this connected to Jeremiah since the early morning hours of New Year's day...

Once we came back to reality and shared our "I love you" kiss, we dozed off... We awakened to the house still being empty, and we began getting dressed. "I'm going to go ahead and go home, aight?" he spoke, seeming a bit detached. "Jeremy... Are you sure you're alright?" I asked. "I'm fine," he put on a fake smile. He brought me into his arms before kissing my forehead. "I love you," he said. "I love you too," I replied before he put on his sneakers and left...

Later that night, I finally felt comfortable sleeping alone, especially since my pillows smelled like Jeremiah's colonge. I was sleeping fantastically. I was sleeping better than I have for these past weeks. Nothing could ruin this... It was about two or three in the morning, when I felt my phone vibrating beneath me. I groaned, irritated with the fact that I was awakened. It's the first time in a long time that I'm getting amazing sleep, and it's interrupted... It was a text from Jeremiah that read, "I need to tell you something." I sighed and responded, "What is it, Babe?"

"I did it... I'm so sorry."

I slept in Serene's room that night.