Poems For Daniel

Twenty-Nine

The next morning, I woke up later than usual, and my mother had prepared breakfast. "Where's Jeremy? He's usually here by now," she spoke. "We had a bit of a disagreement yesterday," I replied as Serene sat at the table. "What happened?" she asked. I sighed. "It's a long story," I shook my head. "We've got time," Serene looked at my mom before they both nodded. "Well, you remember how I used to volunteer at the hospital? Well, I met a guy there, and his name was Daniel. He was sort of my first love, y'know? I didn't tell you guys because I thought I'd get judged. I knew you guys were going to be all like 'he's going to die soon. You don't need to get attached' and etc. But, I didn't care. I loved him and... then the car accident happened, and he's disappeared. I don't know if he's dead or the cancer went away or whatever, and I'm trying to move on. I've been doing well, right? But, Jeremiah has grown really tired of me always talking about Daniel. I can't help it. And, we were arguing about it yesterday. I mean, Jeremiah and I haven't been as connected as we were on New Year's. And, we barely talk. I brought it to him. And, he told me that we barely talk because every time we talk, I bring up Daniel. I told him to stop being so insecure and to just deal with it. I mean, I'm trying. I'm really, really trying, and hopefully, the Daniel talk will pass... And, he said that he's been dealing with it for long enough, and then he got smart. So, I poured milk on him. And, then he--." "Where'd the milk come from?" Serene asked. "He was eating cereal," I answered. I took a breath, realizing that I had begun to cry. I wiped my tears...

"So, basically, you two aren't talking?" my mother questioned. "I'm calling him, but he's not picking up. He's ignoring me, and I just want to see him. I just want him to talk to me. I told him I was sorry, but it's like he doesn't care... I just miss him," I put my head down on the table. "He's crazy about you, Safaree. He'll come around," Serene assured me, rubbing my back. "And, we'll help you figure out what happened to Daniel," my mother added. "Yeah," Serene nodded. "Really?" I asked, looking up at the both of them. "Sure," they nodded. "Thank you guys so much. I love you two," I wiped my tears as they both hugged me...

The doorbell rang, and my mother went to answer it while Serene and I ate. "Safaree!" my name was called. I stood from my chair and made my way over to where she stood. And, there he was... "Jeremiah," I whispered as he looked at me. I hugged his torso and kissed him over and over again. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm trying, J. I'm really trying... I love you so much, Baby," I told him. "We should talk," he spoke. We went into my room. I closed the door behind us before I pulled him close to me. "I missed you so much," I whispered, standing on my toes to kiss him. "We're talking, not kissing," he pulled away from me. I sighed as he sat at the edge of the bed. "I didn't lie to you, Safaree. I just implied that my ex and I had sex to fuck with your head, but... It hurt either way, didn't it?" he asked. I nodded. "I'm not trying to hurt you, Babe. That's the last thing I want to do, but I feel like you're being very inconsiderate of my feelings," he spoke. "I really don't want to have to ask you this, but... it's me or him," he added.

"Wh-what?" I asked. There was a knock on the door. I walked and opened the door to see Serene. "Come here for a minute," she told me. "No, I'm in the middle of a talk with Jeremiah," I denied her request. "Fine, what was Daniel's full name?" she asked. "Daniel Simmons III," I answered. "You're not going to give me a middle name?" she asked. "You don't need all of that," I shook my head. "Fine," she said. "Wait... Are you searching him?" I inquired. "Well, yeah," she nodded. I sighed. "Tell me what you find out," I said. "Definitely," she nodded. "Thanks," I smiled slightly before closing the door again. I sat next to Jeremiah.

"Now, wh-what were you saying?" I asked, my eyes closed trying to remember. "It's me or him," he replied. My heart sank. "Jeremiah, please not this again," I sighed. "It's me or him, Safaree," he spoke. "That's not fair, J. You know it's not fair," I looked at him. "I can't deal with this anymore. I feel like I have to compete with this guy, and I haven't even met him. I feel like I have to live up to the standards that he set, and I'm exceeding those standards. I know I'm exceeding those standards, but it's like I'm not good enough," he spoke. "I'm sorry," I apologized. "No, no. Don't say that. 'Cause I know you don't fucking mean it," he replied. "I do, Jeremiah. I promise I do," my hand was placed on his knee. He sighed... "Just pick, Safaree. You're just making this harder for the both of us," he replied. "Jeremiah," I fought for eye contact. "You pick me, you gotta stop talking about Daniel. You pick Daniel, I'll leave you alone," he shrugged. "Jeremiah, this is so unnecessary," I groaned. "If it's so unnecessary then just choose," he replied. "What do you want me to say?" I inquired. "I want you to give your honest answer, and I want you to mean it," he answered.