Finding Jess

Chapter 40 - Flash me back to when things were okay

"Hey honey bun!" My mum yelled as the front door slammed shut. "Sorry for not telling you, but I had to fill in a late shift last night. Got you something to make up for it though." She cheered as her footstep grew closer to my bedroom and my door finally swung wide open. I'm guessing - my door could be the  only one that sounds like the bowels of Luke on Meatball Monday's when it creeks open.

"Why are you still in bed. Come on it Sunday!" She laughed as she jumped on me.

"Get off me." I mumbled.

"What's wrong sugar cakes?"

"Don't what's wrong me... You knew. That's what's wrong." I paused. "How could you." I whispered under my covers.

"Jess, speak to honey." She tried consoling me.

"Mum you knew Harry." I spat. "You never thought of telling me... telling me anything in these past few years." It was so difficult choking down the on coming tears, but I managed. I kept them in all these years, why not now.

The air was heavily filled with booming silence. No one made the first move. A single whimper escaped my mum's lips. I couldn't bear any longer and wormed my head to the surface to where I found my mum red eyed. I had no words.

"Jess sit up." She commanded me politely. "I think you deserve an explanation."

After all that's happened and everything that I've heard from Harry, was still too shocked to speak. So I listened.

"I suspect Harry told you everything and by the looks of it things didn't exactly go as planned." She paused. "I'm not going to waste your time by explaining everything again, because I'll just be repeating his words. I'll rather just explain his side."

"He gave me h-"

"No." She interrupted forcing me back to silence. "I'll give you it all..."

"Harry was indeed you friend. Your best friend. I'd even say he was like a brother to you, but myself and his mum both knew that he had a tiny crush on you." She giggled sniffling a bit due to her previous state.

"If it wasn't for what had happened to you and...." She wiped a tear. "Y-your father and brother, I would had said Harry had it worse than you. He was in a terrible state after seeing you at the hospital - maybe even traumatised... After they moved, his mother phone almost every single day asking about you and if you started to remember anything. She told me about Harry and taking him to a psychologist, she spoke about the sobs coming from his bedroom every night and the talks they had about him having to let go of you." She went on speaking and was oblivious to the endless river flowing down her cheeks.

"She tried asking if they could visit, but even with the help of your medication and therapy no memory of him came back and you seemed uncomfortable around him - the little boy from the hospital. He ate less, spent most of his time alone in his room and never even tried to make any friends, at least that's what his mum thought, because he never brought anyone home. He never really understood anything from that age and it left him scarred as he got older and was able to put things together himself." 

"I didn't.... I d-didn't know." I stuttered. I was now full on crying.

This... It... Everything was just too much.

Most of my life was a lie.

My mum wiped her cheeks and hugged me tightly. I needed that hug.

But wait.

I realised that she was the one who never told me anything.

Yeah I felt sorry for Harry, but no one told me anything.

I ripped myself from her arms and got out of  bed.

"Jess-"

"No!" I yelled. My echo filling the empty house. "You said nothing in these  past years and you think a hug can fix that!

"Just wait." She said trying to fallow me as I grabbed a bunch of clothes from my dresser and headed to the bathroom.

Her footsteps echoed mine and stopped behind me as I stood in the bathroom and turned around to face her.

"After all theses fucking years you said nothing! At least Harry's mum tried to explain." I said the last sentence in a whisper. "I hate you!" I slammed the door shut in her face.

I stood with my back against the door and my breath hitched as I took in deep gulps of air.

Why did I say that?

Did I mean it?

I didn't, did I. It doesn't even matter. Nothing does.

Hey 

All I have to say is thank you.

I actually made it to 1.4k. You guys are to thank for that and I'm just soooo happy. You're amazing , because honestly I never thought I'd make it past 200 reads , yet here we are.

so yeah.

I died.

jk, no death and cancer is serious, we can make fun of HIV/ Aids tho. No I'm still kidding, but it's okay where I'm from.

I'm OUT!

xxx

Brit.