Where Are My Words?

bedroom silence

It's dark;
the only source of light being the screen of my phone.
My fingers moving across the keyboard.
The night is quiet,
yet I cannot stop myself from listening.
The silence is terrifying.
As terrifying as the never-ending feeling of missing a day of school.
When you think you've caught up on work,
maybe a few more pages,
but you only go deeper and deeper into the stress,
and you slowly watch the night turn into morning.
You know you're lost.
Just like you are lost in the silence of your dark bedroom.
Trapped and failing;
staring at the ceiling and can't help but to worry about the demons under your bed.
The ones in movies that yank at your feet.
The same demons that know your secrets;
the secrets that you keep from your family and friends.
The secrets that hide your scars and your thoughts from spilling off of the page.
Your words don't seem to match your feelings and you only want to cry, but you smile instead.
You know you're lost.
Just like you are lost in the silence of your dark bedroom.
The same dark bedroom that you retreat to in the day;
so you can hide away from the people you supposedly dislike.
When your only getaway is painting yourself so you can have a minute to feel good about something you've done.
Yet you can't even do that because staring too long gives you a reason to hate it more.
It's almost like how you hate yourself,
like how you bought that bikini, but you still won't even wear it,
or maybe how your eyes are so dark and aren't that shade of blue that everyone falls for.
You know you're lost.
Just like you are lost in the silence of your dark bedroom.
Only wanting to runaway from it all
because running away seems so easy.
But you stop yourself because you know your front door shuts loudly,
and you share a room with your sister,
instead you grab your phone when you're supposed to be sleeping,
you message your boyfriend and he helps you because he's the only person that knows.
The only person that understands what you're going through,
only because you're too scared to talk to you're parents.
So when you're crying aloud you cover your face in blankets so you don't wake your sister.
Then after you tell your boyfriend you're okay, he says goodnight and you're left alone again.
You know you're lost
Just like you are lost in the silence of your dark bedroom.
When it's late at night and you can't sleep so you grab your phone stare at the screen.
Eventually, you start to type this poem.
A poem that maybe no one else relates to because it's yours,
or maybe no one else can understand it because it's your feelings.
Although, that's okay because I understand, since I am you and you are me.
I am lost in the dark bedroom silence.