Where Are My Words?

the cardboard box

After years and years of being in the lost and found
I have realized that my hopes are too high.
I am not going to be noticed in this box of nothingness.
Never in this cloud of fear have I been more terrified.
More terrified to move or breathe
because I have made a grave mistake.
A mistake that will never let me rest in peace.

It was at the moment
where I was laying in bed, humming to a song that I had on repeat as notes searched a cozy spot in my head,
I noticed I was long gone.
My fingers gone cold and my toes began to tingle.
I had been gone for a while.
My head pounded and my mistake replayed like the song.
Over and over, it just kept going, kept ringing and strumming and making me dizzy.
I didn't want to move or breathe.
But that song..
It just kept playing and I continued to sing,
even though my heart was breaking.
I wanted to scream and wave the words out of the tense atmosphere of the room.
However, only lyrics escaped my lips along with the tears escaping my eyes.

I have been lost and never found.
Being gone for so long I don't understand the world anymore.
I have been too focused and lost to breathe
and too lazy to escape this madness in my head.
A song on repeat, playing in one of the dozens of tabs open in my mind.
A mistake I made long ago was to search of something willing to love and leave.
That something had loved and left me in the cardboard box full of other lost memories.
In the years of being a memory in that cardboard box, I had learned they called it lost and found.
Everything left that no one cared for and very rarely came back to retrieve.
The things in that box were junk.
Memories that meant so much to others, but they didn't want them, couldn't find the heart to cherish them, or they just moved on.

That song kept playing.
The cardboard box is what made it begin to corrupt me.
It's little piano tune and sweet voice.
Every little detail had me trapped.
Just like how I was trapped in that box.
I convince myself it was a mistake;
I wasn't supposed to be there.

But that song was.
I was the one that put it there.

The truth is
my mistake was a human.
A human who treated me like an object in the lost and found.
And that song was a memory I wanted to lose and never find.