Where Are My Words?

uh

Ya know, every now and then I think about you.
About how my life feels so empty without you.
And then I feel guilty for the times you were used
even I understand what you have been through

I keep saying sorry I fucked up but I'm done with it.
Keep feelin pressure bout my choices, I'm done with it
Keep wanting death to finally take me, I'm done with it.
we're just human beings, we all get stressed.
And like depression, love is a mental illness.
Anxiety, PTSD, can't control my thoughts
More often than not
What I say is all I got.

And I wanna show for somethin more
But I can't unlock the door
To the chamber of the words that flow like rivers
Because I notice that when someone shivers
it ain't from the words I've been delivering
Only from the cold breeze that's coming in.

So I'm gonna put this as easy as I can
For you and only you
And when I say that I generally mean
that I'm hoping you're the only one
who knows what I mean even though I'm not getting to the exact point of what I mean.
Understand what I mean?

I've realized that I miss the hell out of you.
But I can't pull up the proof
So I'm sittin behind this stand
Hoping the jury won't see my hands
Fiddling in my lap
Since I'm as guilty as you think
And I just want one more thing.

I wanna take back what I had said.
I think I want another chance.
But I know I fucked that up
as much as you picked up.
I kept throwing everything you handed me.
Said together again we'll never be.
I realize my mistakes
how I can't rewind to press play.

So here I am pleading
To hear who you're seeing
Because I don't believe I'm over what we had.
Every now and then I think about you
About how my life had so much meaning because of you.
And I'm realizing I might want you back
But I can't.

Because I don't even know who I am.
And how can I find myself in someone else?
How can I hold anyone to that responsibilty
Of being the one to find me.
That's too much to deal with
So I'm apologizing again for all this nonsense.

Uh. I miss you.