21 days

Day 13

Yesterday ended horrible. I ended up crying between trees. I didn't know what came over me, I just ran and ran. And that's even the last thing I remember. I still know that Carla ran away to get Floriean and then he picked me up and brought me back to the car. After that, everything becomes blurry and my memory ends..

So, I just woke up in my bed. I tried to remember what happened so badly.

'Hey Christina, do you feel better? I've got some tea for you.' Carla stepped in my room.

'Take whatever you want.. ' I answered.

'I'm so sorry for yesterday.. I didn't want this to happen.' she said and sat next to me on the bed.

'Why am I still crying like that? It's like I would already cry when you touch me... '

'That's totally normal. It's your family. And I don't judge you because you're crying. I'm your friend.'

'But, I only cry. I've never been crying like this before. I mean, I have been the strongest of my family for so long, because I tried to be strong for them! There was never anything different! What's wrong with ME?!' I shouted out.

'There's ABSULUTELY nothing wrong with you! I know you since we were little. I didn't grew up with any siblings and when we were little, you were my sister. You even helped me besides all your siblings. I admired you for that. I've been jealous, because I always wished that I would get a brother or a sister. Remember when I was so stupid that I took the glass splinter? I wanted to show you that pain is not everything... You had such bad times but YOU didn't cry.. But I wasn't strong enough and even if I didn't want to hurt myself, the glass splinter made a scratch on my arm and it started bleeding? You comforted me, because I was over dramatic about that? You made it all okay.. You made a scratch on your arm too and told me that if we would put our blood on each others bloody scratch, we would become true blood sisters?'

I looked up and then back to my arm. You could still see the little scar on my elbow... I carefully took Carla's arm and you could also see her scar. I stroke along her scar and then I kinda tried to hide my scar. I looked away.

'You still remember.' Carla smiled brightly and full of excitement.

I smiled back at her. I just couldn't deny it.

'I'm so sorry that I neglected you... and that I left you alone.. Blood sister.' I smiled. I didn't even say that the last days. I left her alone for longer than the recent one year. I mean, the years before we were still meeting, talking, skyping, face-timing, ect., but we couldn't meet up many times and kinda lost our strong contact, because we both had business to do. She traveled and I had band stuff to do, but then I canceled the contact completely... I left her alone and I just noticed that I didn't even say sorry.

'And I'm sorry for being rude to you.. I didn't mean what I said. I was just... so angry about myself.' Carla said.

'Why about yourself?'

'When I started traveling, I thought of my past... I always wanted to travel. But not like this. Everything should be okay. But I missed one special thing. I lost you, before I could even share my excitement. Sharing my excitement with my other friends, wasn't the same as with you. We always dreamed about traveling together when we were around 10...but I was way to ashamed to tell you. I thought that it's not worthy to tell you... that you wouldn't be interested. When I arrived in the other country, I really regret it, because all my thoughts were stuck inside of me. Many times I've been about to message you or even to call you. I had my phone in front of me but I didn't do it... And then the thing with Nick started and you have been too busy for everything.. And I don't know what my mind had done to me. I also cried a few times when I've seen pictures of you and Nick. I wasn't angry or something until the point Katherine said that you left them.. It was also kinda like my fault.. I wasn't there to talk. You've never been the type of deciding in such a way.. you always needed time and you needed to talk. But this time I haven't been there, so I couldn't help you.'