21 days

Day 12.2

So, I sat there, waiting for the time to pass. Every minute I've been with Michael, I thought of my family. Before everthing happend, I would've thought that I am desperate, but after all, I didn't wonder about that. My family got more important to me the recent days than it has already been. The fault haunted me. I wanted this to stop. This was MY struggle. MY pain. MY fault. Even the littlest things I thought of made my thoughts scew up.

The sun, felt good on my skin, but it burned my knee. Dang, my ripped jeans! I quickly stood up to clean my knee and the already dry blood on my jeans, luckily there wasn't that much.

'CHRISTINA!!' a voice came up behind me. A too well known voice. I quickly turned around and started to smile, because I've imagined it was Dani. AGAIN.

'DANI??' I yelled full of excitement. Then, my smile faded and I felt how pale my face had to be. Belle looked into my face, full of confusion.

'Um, Christina, are you okay? You seem really pale. And... my name isn't Dani.' she stuttered.

'Oh, em, yeah sorry, I thought you're someone else. I didn't see you coming..' I said with my eyes on the bottom. I didn't want to look into her face, even if it was rude to talk like that.

'Oh okay, I'm sorry that I'm not this person, I was just excited to see you. And you sure you're okay? You don't look like that...' she said and came one step closer to me to make sure that I'm okay. She stretched her arm out and wiped a tear out of my face with her thumb. I still leaned on the piano and I didn't really notice that I was actually crying until that point. I was like frozen, I couldn't move or breathe...I couldn't talk, it was horrible. I didn't even listen to her anymore. Seemed like Belle noticed it, because she kept talking but stopped when she noticed that I could barely breathe.
And the next moment, she hugged me. I sat down on the piano stool and Belle hugged me now even tighter. She didn't say anything, she just kept hugging me. No, it wasn't Dani, but it was her spirit. Thanks God.

How many tears did I cry the recent days? Way too much, but I just couldn't control myself. One year without my family... my sisters... I have been so glad that no one else entered the room. I needed this time...

'Christina?...What happend? Is that the reason you haven't been here?' Belle asked carefully. I didn't know what to say, because she was a little girl, and she would probably not understand.

'Belle.. I've some problems right now, but please could you keep this as a secret between you and me?' I asked her after she sat next to me and I looked up.

'Is it because of that girl Dani?' she grabbed my hand.

I answered with a simple 'Yes.'

'Is Dani your sister?' she tried to say and I noticed that she regret it.

'Yes, she's my sister. And honestly I don't know if I still deserve to be her sister...'

What an awkward silence between us. And aslo I regret what I've just said.

This time she answered with a simple 'No..'
She put her hand in mine and looked up to me. I looked at her and we smiled at each other, then the other kids ran in.

We started with the lesson like nothing happened. It was so nice to see them enjoying what I do. In the middle of the lesson I wanted them to pay attention.

'Hey, everyone stop for a moment. I want to say something.' I said and everyone listened.

'You may not know that I've learned to play the piano here too. My Mom worked here for a few years, besides of the choir. I've been homeschooled and after 'school' I loved to come here to see my Mom and loved to pay attention to all the other kids playing for my Mom, because she had the senior class. I always dreamed to go to the senior class, teached by my Mom. But before I was even ready and old enough to be in the senior class, my Mom stopped working here. I've always been at home and tried to play for my Mom, but most of the time she had to take care of my younger siblings. I always wanted her to see my senior class skills. I wanted her to see the way I've learned to play the piano. Today, it's a present to work here again. To see how all of you make huge steps is unbelievable and makes me proud. You all are so kind. I've already made friends here and it's such a fun with you. Hope you will never change kids.' I said and this memory didn't even make me sad or cry. I felt good while saying that. The kids ran up to me and wanted to hug me. What a kind and lovely group of kids.