I need you here with me // Carl Grimes [EDITING]

Seventy Three - A Fake Psychopath.

-Time jump to after the Negan line up-

My body itched with their blood, it covered me like a second skin and I couldn't be separated from it. Dirt and dried blood hid behind my finger nails, some of it my own, some of it theirs. I scrubbed at my skin with my washcloth, no matter how many times I showered the blood wouldnt leave my body, his or theirs.

I watched as a chunk of my hair flowed down the drain, I was beginning to lose my hair from all of the stress and the terror, it was coming out in small clumps, nothing I couldn't hide with a baseball cap but it still got to me, I didn't want to have to be constantly reminded of their death, especially by losing my hair of all things.

Blood and filth followed the clump of hair down the drain, the blood had stained my skin leaving it with a slight red tinge, I couldn't help but let my mind flash back to the memory of it...

Every time I closed my eyes, I saw it, I couldn't sleep without seeing it, I couldn't breathe without feeling it and I couldn't think without remembering it. My life was being taken over by a memory.

-Flashback-

Their blood spattered my face as Negan hit them over and over and over again, I twitched, my body convulsing in terror. They were dead and I couldn't be sure whether my eyes were deceiving me or if they were actually there, lay on the ground, in a pool of their own blood, killed mercilessly at the hands of a psychopath...

A psychopath.

My hands tightened into fists and I stood from the ground, my family looked at me in shock, silently begging me to kneel back down, they didn't want another member of our family to die. They were all crying, there wasn't a single dry eye amongst our group, tears even fled my own eyes.

"Sit back down." My dad spoke calmly, his voice seconds away from breaking, "Please..."

I'd never seen him so broken... I'd never seen any of them so broken, not even Rick, not even my brother, not even Carl. I'd never felt so broken.

"No." I breathed, I had to do it, "That was amazing!"

Even though the tears welled up in my eyes and my body shook and everyone was staring at me in disbelief, a fake twisted, almost sickening smile made its way onto my face.

"The way you did that... so... what's the word? Ah! Mercilessly." I walked towards him, my hands held firmly behind my back, "When I saw the thrill you got from it, I thought it was amazing and I wanted to be able to feel that too, and so I thought to myself, perhaps I am more like him than I thought, maybe just maybe... I'd prefer to be a whisperer."

"You made the right choice kid."

"Don't I know it?" I smirked, I stood at Negan's side, the man who murdered them and I allowed him to wrap his arm around my shoulders, as if I really was a member of his sadistic little group and I leaned into his side, as if I really wanted to be there.

"Ha-hey! Ain't that just ironic? You lost two members of your little clan in one night! That's gotta feel like a kick in the balls, first them and now her, and the worst part is she ain't even dead, she's alive and she chose to leave you! Is it really that bad?" He turned to look at me.

"You don't know the half of it." I was struggling not to cry but I knew, I knew that if I joined him and his people, it would make him proud enough not to kill another member of my group and I could protect all of them from behind enemy lines, it would be better that way.

"Your daughter!" Negan laughed, leaning down to my father, "And your sister!" He turned to Luke, "That's gotta hurt like a bitch huh? But guess what, this little girl... this little girl, right here! She's one of ours now! She belongs to me, just like all of your asses do! Except she chose to be one of us, the kid obviously knows what she's doing!"