I need you here with me // Carl Grimes [EDITING]

Seventy Six - The Last of Lydia & Carl.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me!"

After packing a bag and leaving a handwritten note for Rick, explaining in detail why I had to leave and what I had to do, I'd headed towards the gates and tried to leave, I'd originally wanted to leave without having to tell Carl, I didn't want him to have to carry the same burden I did. I didn't want him to come with me and see him get hurt, or worse; die.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I have to save my Dad Carl."

"Lydia, your dad's as good as dead if you're not here ready to defend Alexandria, for when Negan comes back!"

"Carl you don't understand..." I shook my head, "It isn't about Negan anymore. He killed Abraham, he killed Glenn, he almost got Maggie killed too, and now he got my Dad. You saw how defenceless he was when he was here, right? I have to be there to protect him."

"What about Luke?" He called after me

"And the others?"

"And me?"

"I love all of you, but the way my Dad was... He has to come first."

"Just let me come with you! We can break him out of there together!"

"You know I can't let you come with me Carl, I can't risk you getting hurt."

With one final look of what only could be described as pure desperate was passed between us, I turned my back on him, lifted my bag higher up on my shoulder and opened up the gaye.

"I thought you cared about me more than this."

"I'm in love with you, you idiot." I stared back at him over my shoulder, "That's why I can't let you come with me... And besides, if something happens to me atleast I know you'll have someone who cares about you."

"Like who? Like- Enid?" He rolled his eyes, "Are you kidding me with this again?"

"Carl..." I placed my bag on the ground and wrapped my arms around his neck, so our faces were only inches apart, "Answer me this, truthfully... If you had the opportunity to kiss her again, would you take it?"

"You're the one I love. It's always been me and you."

"But you have feelings for her too, right?"

"You know I can't answer that."

"What? You can't answer it truthfully? Or because you know that we both already know the answer?"

"Both." He swallowed, his crystal eye suddenly becoming teary.

"I am never gonna love you any less okay? It doesnt matter if you want her or if you want me. You're always gonna be my first love."

"So what is this? We're over? That's it? After all this time, we're done?"

"We've both had our doubts in the past, you with Enid and me with Ron, nothing was ever going to be perfect."

"We're done, aren't we?"

"It's not forever, just... for now."

"Can I kiss you? Just one more time." A tear fell from his eye, he held my face so close to his that it broke my heart, because in that moment, deep down, I knew. It was going to be the last time.

"No, it'll just make it harder."

"Baby." He chuckled, "You know I've never liked it the easy way."

Softly, yet brokenly his lips brushed against my own as if he was pouring everything that had been left unsaid between us into that one kiss. That kiss meant everything to me, it was my last, pure, untainted memory of him and it would haunt me forever.

"Can you tell everyone I love them?"

"Of course... can I tell you a secret?"

"Yes."

"I have never loved anything as pure as you."

"I'm not pure."

"You are to me."

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As I lay in the dirt, staring up at the stars, wondering how far away the Saviour's home, my mind began to hallucinate and images of anyone I'd ever cared about appeared around me; as if they were really there.

Ash. Connor. Sophie. Lori. Judith. Michael. Oscar. Axel. Dani. Uncle Merle. Blake. Rachel. Luke. My Mom. My Step-Dad. Morgan. Carol. Rosita. Sasha. Maggie. Michonne. Beth. Noah. Tyreese. Andrea. Glenn. Abraham. Hershel. Lizzie. Mika. Aaron. T-Dog. Mark. Enid. Spencer. Eugene. Tara. Heath. Jesus. Gabriel. Jessie. Sam. My Dad. Ron.

Carl.

Anyone who I'd ever given a shit about, they all smiled down at me, motioning for me to follow them to some place safe.

And I willingly did follow them, I picked up my backpack and followed the ghosts, those of the dead and those of the alive to some sort of safe haven.

But the safe haven I stumbled across was much more dangerous than safe.

It was just the place I'd wanted to find, the home of the Saviour's.

Quickly, I ran towards the gates, having no plan and no idea of what to do; all i knew was that I had to get to my Dad and I had to make sure he got out of there.

But I never made it because the next thing I knew I was being pinned down to the ground and what felt like a needle was jammed into my neck, I lay there for a few seconds, feeling numbness all over my body and a slight searing pain in my neck until i welcomed the darkness; like an old friend.

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"W-Where am I?"

"Do you remember your name?"

"No... Who am I? Why am I here? W-Who are you?"

"It's okay to be a little scared." The man with the leather jacket smiled, he sat at the end of my bed, his hand reaching over me to the remote that lifted my bed upright. He flicked a switch and my bed automatically began to move.

"Who am I?" I asked once again.

"Your name's Lydia." The man nodded, "You wanna know why you're here sweetheart?"

"Yes."

"Well you're not gonna remember much but I'll fill you in on what I can, you were walking by one of the fences and a walker grabbed ahold of you, you pulled back and fell and hit your head really hard, you're probably not gonna remember anything."

"What's a walker?"

"It's a zombie."

"Zombies? Cool." I giggled, "Like pretend, or real?"

"They're about as real as things get."

I smiled at the man's joke, I'd always loved the idea of zombies, atleast I thought I did, but they couldn't be real. The whole idea was absurd.

"So you brought me here because of a zombie?"

"Oh no, I didn't bring you here, you already live here."

"With who?"

"With me." The man smiled admirably, "You really don't remember anything do you?"

"No... Are we related? Is that why you're here?"

"You could say I've taken care of you since this whole thing started."

"I'm sorry I don't remember your name, what is it again?"

"Negan."

"And one more question." A sudden memory of a boy flooded my mind, "Who's Carl?"