Down | adopted by 5sos

trente-neuf

POV MAGGIE

That night I talked with Cody,

after the kiss.

He seemed to care what was going on in my head and he actually cared. I told him everything that bothered me, and he didn't pretend to listen. He did really listen to me, and he talked about it with me.

That night I walked back home and Luke was sitting in the living room. I saw him when I turned on my IPhone flashlight and he was just sitting there in the dark.

I wondered why he was sitting there and he told me that he was worried about me, but he also didn't want to call me because I might get pissed and angry at him.

And then I told him not to tell Ashton, because I know Ashton would actually be mad at me that I snook out.

Then he said he wouldn't tell Ashton, and I was thankful. Maybe because he was a bit younger then the others, maybe that's why we're closer.

After that he asked me where I was.

I told him the truth of course, I didn't felt like lying.

He just nodded, and hummed "hmm's" and "yeah okay's".

But then,

I asked him if he was sitting here only because of him worrying, and waiting for me and then I felt that tension. I didn't really believe him when he talked, he stuttered.. And he never does that.

After a long silence

I asked him again,

and

he said his mental health wasn't too good.

That insomnia is taking over everything, and that he is depressed.

That he feels lost, and that his head is a mess.

My heart shattered a bit.

actually

it hurt

a

lot.

But he warned me,

not to tell anybody or else he was going to tell Ashton that I snook out again..

I wasn't planning to tell anybody, so I just agreed.

I had that lump in my throat, because of the tears in my eyes I had to hold in..

No one deserves to go through anything like this.

No one..

There was another pause. Luke once broken expression softened and he pulled me into a hug, it was different from everything. It wasn't just a normal 5am hug.

My head nuzzled in his chest, inhaling his smell.

He was stroking my hair.

I didn't know if he could hear my soft sobs..

Everything was so fucked up at that moment, and

it still is.

I can't stop thinking about this, I'm sitting on our flat roof, looking over the neighborhood. It happened a month and a half ago and I still think about Luke.

The way he acts so happy and normal around the boys, and when I sit in front of his door because I can't sleep, I hear water running from his bathroom at 3am. Assuming it's a bloody hot shower. Because when I tried to wash my hands, no hot water would run. I would hear sobs .