| i'm a goner |
tyler is half asleep when josh walks through his bedroom door.
it's nearly 5 in the morning and already the sky has just barely started to get lighter. his window is open, and he was falling asleep to the sound of a fly buzzing around in circles above his head.
his groggy mind registers that it's a little strange because he didn't come through the window, which he left open for that exact purpose- but tyler decides it's not really a big thing; at least josh is here now. he's here.
"hi-"
tyler stops short as he sits up.
the man standing in his doorway is not someone tyler has seen before. his eyes are mud-puddle brown, too dull and grey to be anything like josh's. he is topless, and far too thin; his skin strung loosely over his razor sharp ribs. his eyes are decorated with dark shadows, his cheeks sunken and gaunt. his hair has faded to look bleached-like dead, limp grass- and it falls down in front of his eyes.
the stranger steps into his room. "it's me, tyler."
"josh," he breathes, the name he has kept sugar coated for so long turning bitter on his tongue, turning into something metallic and sour. like blood.
he tried to fix josh, but maybe he was beyond that. maybe he was shattered into too many pieces. or maybe he was always like this, and tyler's mind wanted so badly to believe that he was different so he made him perfect. he was perfect in his mind.
"it's me," josh says again. "what's wrong, tyler?"
tyler wants to answer. he wants to say that he misses josh, or at least who he thought he was. he wants to tell josh to come back, to be ok again, that still, nothing makes sense even though josh tells him it will, all the time. he wants to ask what happened, what changed. he wants to tell josh that they can still be ok. they can still try and fix each other. they may not succeed, but they can try, and that's enough, right?
he has the sudden, overwhelming urge to cry. he wants to fall to his knees and cry. he doesn't want this. he wants to be normal. but the tears dry up in his eyes and his tongue sticks to the roof of his mouth and he can't speak.
especially not when he sees what's clutched (far too tightly) in josh's hand.
"where'd you get that gun, josh?" tyler asks, surprised when his voice doesn't tremble or falter.
josh steps towards him. "the garage."
tyler's dad does have a gun, locked away in the garage where tyler would never be able to get it without a key.
"there's something you need to do, tyler." the words come out softly and almost menacingly as josh moves towards him again. but josh would never be menacing towards him. he wouldn't.
tyler knows what he means immediately, knows what josh is suggesting, what he wants him to do. "no. no, i don't need to do anything, put the gun down." he shakes his head vigorously and steps back, away from josh. not josh- a stranger. someone he's never met. this isn't his josh. "stay away from me."
"you have to." josh lifts the gun, handle first, gesturing for him to take it. he's gripping it so tight his knuckles are white.
tyler doesn't move. the gun probably hasn't ever been used, and tyler doesn't want to be the first to use it.
"hey, let's talk about this," he pleads. maybe he can talk josh out of this.
"nothing to talk about." his expression is solemn. "we're not going to talk about anything. they don't understand you, they never have, and they think you're crazy."
YOU ARE READING
glowing eyes
Fanfiction"tyler?" his parents are staring at him. they look worried. "sorry," he mumbles, and he means it. he sits back down. "thought i saw someone." WARNING: i wrote this a few years ago. it's a little graphic and a lot predictable. not my best work but...
