ー章.
she kept rereading the message.
you are beautiful, kim michi. absolutely fucking beautiful. she blinks, has to keep blinking. because she was sure that the more she stared at it, the more her eyes would water. and it's at that moment where she hates herself.
absolutely cannot stand her own presence. her self-esteem is confused, not sure whether to shoot up or shoot right back down. being complimented by a ghost. unnatural. this was unnatural.
and michi knows she's going to regret this. she knows she's going to fuck things up again. because instead of getting off the curb and making her way to starbucks, she instead shakes her head.
no way. no fucking way, that's what she thinks. she didn't wanna do this. she couldn't. couldn't risk someone like him standing her up first. not that she necessarily wanted to stand him up either.
but she was afraid. she was afraid, she was so fucking afraid but she didn't know what she was so afraid of. facing him – maybe that was it. of judgement. she shouldn't have cared if she would be the only one who could see him. but she did care. she cared a lot.
she didn't need anything else added to the reputation she had obtained at her school. as the strange girl. and she didn't need the bullying if she confessed, simply told them that she was actually talking to the school's star athlete who killed himself just a year earlier.
they'd tease her. be angry at her for somehow messing over jeon jeongguk's name. fuck that. she had to ask herself if she even truly cared about jeongguk, and her answer was given to her as she stood up.
mind telling her to fuck everything and just take the train alone, but her heart was telling her differently. her phone vibrates in her hand. another text from him.
dead boy: alright, i'm here.
michi: i'm not coming.
dead boy: what?
dead boy: why?
she really hates herself. she can't recall the last time she'd told a lie like this one. it was a tiny white lie, but she still felt an immense wave of guilt hit her. she was sure he wasn't going to accept her apologies this time if she accidentally confessed.
michi: my mom actually just showed up
dead boy: ahhh really??
michi: yes.
dead boy: so you're gonna go home now?
michi: yes
dead boy: that's good!
dead boy: we can meet at the beach then
"what?" she whispers to herself, furrowing her eyebrows.
michi: actually i'm gonna take a nap so
dead boy: well we can just meet after you're done napping
michi: no thanks.
michi: sorry
michi: i have school
dead boy: oh yeah i forgot
michi: yeah.
she bites the inside of her jaw.
dead boy: well, have a good rest of the day? i'll text you in the morning, okay?
michi: only if you want to.
her tummy feels weird. michi's not sure if that's guilt or butterflies.
probably both.
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thanks so much for 1k votes and over 3k reads !! you guys are way too sweet to me.
