ー章.
returning to school after getting out of the hospital was an easier adjustment than she thought it would've been.
having stayed in the hospital for a over a week, she came back with tired eyes and short hair. had kept a her hair pulled back to cover the stitched up scar. she didn't like to think about her suicide attempt, tried to block it from her mind.
jeongguk hadn't texted her for awhile. any other time, she wouldn't have cared. but now. kept checking her phone every chance she could. no text, no calls. she should've been relieved, that way she wouldn't get in trouble. but she wasn't relieved at all.
she missed him. they were still talking about him, about his death. it was annoying, but she enjoyed it now. just enjoyed hearing his name.
and it started to feel like old times again, where michi was used to being alone and by herself. wrapped up in solitude and the isolation of her own mind. distancing herself from the other teenagers. like always. nothing much had changed.
so she stays curled up in her seat at the lunch table. settled her mind and everlasting tired eyes on a book she'd found under her bed. she recalled reading it in sixth grade, never picked it up again until now – it was still very good.
deep into the passion filled chapters, michi hadn't noticed a student sit down next to her. she recognized his voice first, then his face. the same boy from the hospital. what was his name again – yoongi? yeah, that was his name. she was sure of it.
"you mind if i join you?" he asks, setting his lunch tray down.
she shakes her head, motions for him to sit down.
she watches as he starts eating. starts with his rice first, then his kimchi, then to his soup. dumps some rice into the soup, dumps some kimchi into the soup, too. he opens his yogurt. "what's your favorite yogurt?"
his eyes shift over to her. "my favorite kind of yogurt?" he repeats. she nods. "any kind really," he replies, "why'd you ask all of a sudden? you want my yogurt?"
"no. sorry."
"how's your head?" he switches the subject to her as he takes a spoonful of rice. "it's fine. no big deal." she says. "i would've came and visited you the whole time you were in the hospital, but, you know, school – had to study a lot too. you missed a test in geography, have you made up for it yet."
"teacher said i could make up for it on friday. i'm not too worried, i like geography. what i hated was all the homework i received back." she flips a page in her book. she swears she can see yoongi almost choke on his milk. she almost laughs. almost.
"you like geography?"
"yes. it's not hard." she says, nonchalantly. "not hard. not hard my ass! geography, math, and english are the hardest fucking subjects in this school. and they're pointless. why learn geography if half of korean teenagers will only stay in korea? why learn math if we won't even use it in real life and if we have calculators? why learn english if we'll never have an english person to speak english with? ugh! it's so frustrating!" he responds, an annoyed expression painting his face.
michi bites the inside of her jaw, sighs, "and i assume you're having trouble in these subjects?"
yoongi furrows his eyebrows. "no. i'm just ー i just don't like them that's all." she rolls her eyes once seeing him shyly look away. she closes her book shut, sits up straight. "i could tutor you. no cost. but just because i want to. so i won't have to see you complain about them anymore. math, geography, and english are my best subjects."
he hesitated before responding. "i see. um, you don't have to, but . . sure, i guess. that'd be really helpful. thank you. can we start today?"
she shrugs, "sure. we can do it at my house."
"okay. thanks again."
"mm."
"how are things going with you and dead boy?" he blurts, eating some more of his kimchi. she shrugs again, not actually wanting to say anything at all. "they're going. it's chill."
"you sound sad. did something happen again?" yoongi wonders. "it's nothing important. come on, hurry up and finish, it's almost time to return to class." she quickly changes the subject. didn't wanna talk about it.
she was pretty sure they were okay. he'd blocked her. she wasn't sure if the block was meant to be funny or serious, hoped it was meant to be funny. she got a fuzzy feeling in her stomach at the thought of their relationship, or friendship, or whatever they had.
felt sick. she went to throw up.
