ー章.
she was tired.
like always.
wanted to go home. but her friend didn't wanna seem to let go of his twentieth bowl of ramen, and she'd honestly lost count of how many bottles of soju he'd had.
their waiter seemed to be getting a bit concerned too, as he would occasionally come by and ask if yoongi was doing okay. michi didn't even know if he was doing okay, didn't know if she should've asked.
"wanna know something, michi?"
she glances up at the blond boy, who's speech was slurred and who's hand was gripping the bottom of his unfinished soju bottle. "i want you to know something . . . about . . . jeongguk."
she blinks.
"it's about his suicide."
zzzz! zzzz! zzzz! her phone vibrates, cutting their conversation short. yoongi drops his head on the table and groans, throws up a little. michi scrunches her face up in disgust, quickly excusing herself to the bathroom.
"hello?"
"hello. is this kim michi?"
michi furrows her eyebrows, tucks her hand under her armpit. "yes, this is kim michi speaking. who is this?"
"this is doctor son from the hospital. i am calling to sadly inform you that your mother is dead. she was found by the landlord this evening drowned in her bathtub holding what looked like a heroin needle. i am incredibly sorry for your loss."
the world around her suddenly stops for a minute, and how she's supposed to be feeling is a blur.
she should've been crying by now. should've been asking the doctor if they were joking. should've been screaming and kicking and bawling right now. but she wasn't. she just stood there with her back against the stall door, arms by her side now. lips pressed together.
was this a state of shock? it didn't feel like it. to her, she felt exactly the way she felt before receiving the call – empty. as empty as the bathroom. as empty as space before the big bang.
she could hear her heart pounding, though.
nevertheless, michi still didn't cry. as if her tear ducts no longer carried tears. it made her think about the times where she tried to get her mother to stop. tried to get her mother to open up to her so they could help each other.
and it was there where she began to blame herself. for not helping more, for not declining yoongi's request.
she should've been home.
maybe then she could've done something.
