Post it notes (Watty's 2016)

Chapter 12

I was finally going to go to James' house for the first time. I was looking through my closet, at all my clothes to find the perfect outfit to meet his family for the first time.

After a long time of looking, I picked a peach-pink color tank top dress with a ruffled v-neck and a row of ruffles at the bottom. I wore some brown cowboy boots, and left my natural curls to cascade around my shoulders. I left my normal side part in my hair, and pinned back part of my hair.

I looked in the mirror one last time, and I was ready to go. I was ready just in time; because just as I finished, James knocked on the door. I answered the door, and he just looked at me.

"Am I dressed ok?" I asked, as I tried to figure out why he was staring at me.

"You look beautiful, just I don't even know what to say." I felt my cheeks start getting hot as he complimented me.

"Ok, well let's go."

We walked to his house since he said it wasn't very far. We walked inside, and immediately his mother walked up to us.

"You must be Rayen, I've heard so much about you."

"Oh, and I've never heard about you." I said, trying to joke but it was the truth.

"Oh, that's alright, James isn't much of a talker. In fact, I don't think he's ever brought a friend home-"

"Mom." James interrupted.

"Sorry." She apologized "I'm Lisa, and lunch is ready, so let's go eat."

I helped her set the table, and then we sat down to start. The many bowls of food were passed around the table, and we all got started.

"So, why don't you tell me about yourself." James' mother said.

"There isn't much to tell, I like to read, and that's about it."

"James says you have a very interesting perspective on life."

"I do?"

"Yeah, you do." James said.

"Ok."

"That's great, James needs a new perspective sometimes." She said with a sad look.

"Oh, well I can't help too much with that."

"I'm sure you already have, and you just don't notice." She said with a smile.

"Ok, that's enough of that, lets try a conversation that's less heavy." James said quickly.

"Ok, I love your outfit, I wish I was good with fashion like that." James' mother said.

"Oh, thank you." I said.

We continued to talk until lunch was over. I helped take the dishes to the kitchen, and I offered to help wash them but Lisa refused.

"Ok, I guess I'll be heading home now." I said after we were done with everything.

"I'll take you home." James offered.

"It's ok, I don't want to put you out of your way."

"It's no trouble." He insisted as he got ready to walk with me.

"If you insist."

We walked in silence for a while until he finally said something.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You just looked, I don't know, confused?"

"I guess there is something I wanted to ask you."

"What?" He asked as we stopped walking.

"Are, are you depressed?"

"What?"

"Well it's just your mom was talking at dinner tonight, and she seemed so sad, I just-"

"It's ok to wonder, if you were about to apologize. I don't want to lie to you, technically." He paused for a second and let out a big breath before continuing. "Yes, I am."

"Wow, I didn't know." I said, getting quieter as I said it.

"I didn't tell you, because I didn't want to worry you or something."

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"Umm, no, it's ok I'm fine."

"Clearly you're not."

"It's nothing to worry about."

"It is though, you're depressed."

"No, it's." He paused. "It's different for everyone, it's not like I want to hurt myself or something, I just get sad, and I just don't feel like I should even get up, I just feel depressed."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, I didn't tell you."

"Is that why you miss so much school."

He paused, clearly trying to think of an answer. "sort of, I guess."

"I'm sorry."

"Please stop saying you're sorry."

"I'm-" I didn't finish, and we just walked in silence until we got to my house.

"Don't worry about me, he said as he walked back down the driveway.

I walked inside my house and sat on the couch. I thought about what James and Lisa said. Is that why he didn't want to be friends with me?

Is this the hurt he was talking about, he didn't want to hurt me if he...

I stopped thinking about those thoughts, for a while but they kept going around in my head and I couldn't stop.

Was he pushing me away? Did he not want anyone around? But I could help him.

I couldn't get the thoughts out of my head. I knew it wouldn't do me any good, and I couldn't do anything about it, but they wouldn't go away.

I stayed up half the night tossing and turning. I was worried about him, and I couldn't help it. Eventually I got so tired and my eyes just got so heavy and shut themselves for the night.