Dead Man Walking (Glanny Fic)

Chapter 45

Staring out to sea, I hold the near empty bottle of vodka in my hand. I can't see straight, but that's not fucking good enough. I don't want to see at all. My stomach's turning over and over, making me want to chuck all the crap I've forced down my neck into the sea in front of me. But I want this feeling to keep going.

I'm a monster. There's nothing right about me, nothing at all. I fuck up every little thing I touch. And I think I do it on purpose. Why? I wish I could tell you. All I know is that I get a thrill out of seeing those that matter to me in pain. And that makes me sick to my stomach, but not as much as the cold truth of what I've done.

What kind of fucked up person does the shit that I've done? What kind of person let's their emotions run so far out of control that they...

I shiver in disgust and take swig of the devil's juice. I can't even feel the burning sensation as it trickles down my throat. God damn it! I throw the bottle as far as I can into the sea, wishing that what I've done would go along with it.

I go to cover my face with my hands, but then I remember what they're covered in. I heave, but hold it all in. No, Dan. You're not getting away from it that easy. Throw up now, and you'll be that little bit closer to feeling better. And you don't deserve it.

Maybe God will look down on me and strike me where I stand. Or maybe Satan will grab me by the feet and drag me straight down to hell. Either way, they're both too good a solution for the twisted fuck of a person I've become.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I could end it now. Jump off this cliff that I've found myself on the edge of. Rid the world of this plague in human form. Do it now, before I do something else...

But who am I kidding? As drunk as I am, that doesn't change the fact that I'm a coward. And coward's don't kill themselves, do they?

I open my eyes again and let the bitter tears run down my face. I take a step back, away from the easy way out, and towards the rest of my miserable existence. And to do that, I have to face what I've done.

I slowly turn my head. His body is still lay on the ground where it fell, as cold and lifeless as I remember. His blood still stains the grass, turning it crimson rather than the beautiful green I remember from the old days. And it was by my hands...

Oh Glen. I'm so sorry.

I sit down and pull him to me, cradling his head in my lap. His eyes are still open, lifelessly staring up at me as I mourn the things I've lost. I can't bear to close them. If I do that, then he truly is gone forever.

I don't know what to do. Holding him here, I'm completely lost. I'm alone in this big world now. Alone and frightened by what it is I have become. There is no way I can fix this. Nothing I could ever do to possibly right the wrongs.

I realise that for the first time, I am completely alone. There is no voice in my head, no clawing in my stomach. I'm empty, hollow. I feel sick at the realisation.

“Don't you dare!” I scream into the silence. “Don't you dare leave now! You got what you wanted! He's dead! I killed him! Come back and take over! I have nothing left now, so come and get me!”

But there's nothing. Not even a whisper. He's gone. Leaving me behind in this fucked up mess, to mop up the destruction all by myself.

I feel numb as pull out the mobile phone from his pocket. Dialling a number, I lift it to my ear, listening to the ringing with awful indifference.

“This is the emergency services, what is your emergency?”

“For the past two years, I have been struggling with a sickness that caused me to become dangerous to everyone around me. I was incarcerated, monitored and treated with medication. Two months ago, I was released back into the real world with the pretence that I was fully recovered. But I am sick. I will always be sick. And I have done something that should never be forgiven.”

“Sir, I need you to tell me what has happened.”

“My name is Daniel O'Donoghue. And I have killed the ones I love. My shattered the skull of my counsellor in a fit of blind rage. I strangled my best friend when he refused to help me. And I stabbed the man I love in the stomach, watching him take his final breath in my arms. My hands are stained with the blood of so many people. I can't take it any more. I need to be dealt with. I need this all to end. So please. Come and find me. And kill me too.”

I hang up and let the phone drop to the ground. I have no more tears to cry. No more begging to a God that isn't listening. I'm numb, holding the still body of my lover in my arms, staring out and waiting. Waiting for my fate to catch up with me.

And when they find me, I can only just feel their hands on my arm. As they pull me away from him, I see it from a distance. They question me, but I can't answer. I can't do anything any more.

I glance over at Glen's body, seeing them swarming around him like flies. Prodding and poking, making sure he's really dead. And I watch as one of them closes those beautiful blue eyes for the last time. I release the breath that has been held inside for what feels like forever, and along with it goes my heart.

Glen Power will look at me no more.

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A/N - So this is technically the last chapter. But there is an epilogue coming up later tonight. What d'you guys think will be in it? Let me know. And the best answer will get the very last dedication. I will leave all my comments for that chapter. So, yes. Thank you all so much. I love you all. Vote, comment, do your thing. Much love x