Dead Man Walking (Glanny Fic)

Epilogue

“We have decided that Mr O'Donoghue is a very sick man, and had no control of his actions. We believe that he should be forever incarcerated in a high level ward for the mentally unstable, never to be released. No one will ever visit him. No one will remember his name. He will become a ghost to everyone around him, alone with the memories of what it is he has done. This will be his punishment. A life without living, a world without meaning. This is his punishment.”

The memory flashes before my eyes as I sit in the darkness. I don't know how long I've been here for, but I don't care. I don't deserve to be alive. There is nothing I could ever do that will justify my existence. They should have killed me on arrival. But instead, they called me insane and locked me away.

They were right. This is my punishment.

I look up into the darkness and I see them there. I see my friends, the ones I've lost. The ones I took from this world. They glow in the darkness, haunting me forever with their kind smiles. Never to speak. Only to watch. Watch me go on in this world as a shadow of the man I once knew myself to be. And they will never leave me alone.

I whimper as I look at Madison.

“Oh Madison. I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve what I did to you. You were the one who believed in me, and I threw it all back in your face. And I ripped you away from this world in a brief moment of madness. Madness that I could have controlled. If I would have just listened and taken the tablets, this would never have happened. Oh Madison, if I could take it all back...I swear I would.”

My gaze slides over to Mark, and I feel the tears begin to flow.

“And Mark...my best friend. Knowing that it was me that...Oh God, if you could only know how much I regret that. I wish you had never been dragged into my mess. You were the best of people, and I took your life from you. I've taken you away from your family. Your children will grow up without a father, and that's all my fault. I can never bring you back to them. They will never forgive me, and I never expect them to. Because I will never forgive myself for it. I am so very sorry. I love you, Mark. And you never really knew that.”

My eyes flicker to Glen. He who is closest to me, close enough to touch but I know I never can.

“Glen...” I start and have to stop to cry. The kindness on his face will never fade. It is forever there, forever reminding me of what I have done. He is my demon now. But that demon masquerades as an angel...

“Oh Glen, I'm so sorry,” I eventually pour out. “It was an accident. If I'd have known it was you, I could have stopped it. I could have fought him. I could have made sure that he would never have touched you. And we could have lived together, loved each other. Watching you leave this world...you were right. It's the worst feeling in the world to watch the one you love die. You told me I would never understand how you felt that day that broke us. But I do, baby. I know the pain that you're feeling. But you're gone. You saved me that day, but I couldn't save you when you needed me to. I killed you. Now that it's too late for me to do anything any more.”

I don't know if I'm going even more insane, but I swear I see that smile falter. Ever so slightly...

“You were the best thing in my life, Glen. The only thing worth living for. And now you're not here, baby. How can I go on without you? I don't know how to live without you. I love you so much, so damn much. I promised you that I would be happy. And I lied. I will never be happy without you with me. I don't know how to be happy without you. I'm sorry, baby. I'm a dead man walking without you.”

That smile has most definitely faded. I'm not imagining this. He's here! He's actually here with me! I take a shaky breath and hold my hand out to him.