a day in the life of Adele

Chapter 17

Eventually, we both fell asleep on the couch. I was in his arms, where I felt the most safe.

Around 5 in the morning, I woke up feeling disoriented.

I had become somewhat used to waking up feeling horrible and heartbroken, as well as thinking that Simon was gone.

So when I looked around, I saw Simon sleeping peacefully, and burst into silent tears.

It may have seemed a bit creepy, but I watched him sleep for a while through watery eyes. I watched his chest rise and fall with each breath and just marveled at how handsome and peaceful he looked. I couldn't believe he was really here, right by my side.

It brought out so much relief and gratitude in me to know that he was here again, and that he wasn't going to leave anytime soon.

That brought me more comfort than anything ever had. I wanted to go upstairs and watch my other boy sleep, but I remembered he was away tonight. I missed him, but I was glad to have Simon back.

Everything in the world was right again. I cried for several minutes, just thinking and trying to forget all the sadness I had felt in the last few days.

It was a feeling I never wanted to experience again in my entire life. A feeling of such deep despair and sadness with fear, confusion and uncertainty. That's what I was feeling.

I probably should have written a song about it, but I was too broken to even think about it.

Simon must have sensed that I was awake, and I watched as he slowly woke up. I laughed a bit inside when I saw him stare at me, looking just as disoriented as I was when I woke up.

"Hi, babe." I say, after giving him the chance to wake up.

He didn't say anything, he just sat up and kissed my forehead.

"I almost forgot I came back. I was about to cry again because I didn't have you next to me." He says.

I look into his face and grab his hand. "I just cried. Only because I woke up thinking it was another day of heartbreak, but then I saw you sleeping so peacefully and I felt so relieved and happy."

He smiles warmly. Without warning, he slides his hands underneath me and lifts me up. I lay my head on his shoulder and let him carry me upstairs. His strength and gentleness calms me and brings me peace.

When he lays me down in our bed, I want to cry again. Just because the last time I slept here, I had an extremely restless and horrible night. I would reach over to find Simon because I needed him to comfort me, but my arm always fell to the cold mattress where he was no longer laying.

This bed was once such a wonderful place that was filled with so many great memories, but in just a matter of a few days, it became the darkest, loneliest, and most depressing place.

I wanted to change that. I wanted to make this bed the way it was before this all happened.

After Simon laid himself next to me, I pulled myself into him and put my arm around his chest.

"Babe?" I say, quietly.

"Yes?" His deep voice makes my whole body feel so safe.

"Can we sleep like we did before Angelo started to sleep between us?"

He laughed. "Sure, baby."

We both rolled over to our right side, and he pulled my body close to his. Our heights were just perfect enough that I fit right into him.

His own hand was across my stomach, holding me close. I put my hand on top of his arms, and whispered, "I love you, Simon. Thank you."

He whispers, "I love you too, baby. So, so much. You make me feel safe." The volume of his voice fades and gets quieter with every word. The word "safe" is almost silent. He fell asleep as soon as he had me in his arms.

I take a deep breath, feeling his arm go up and down with it.

Then I begin to drift off to sleep, knowing he is holding me against him and feeling his body all over mine. I repeat his words in my head. You make me feel safe.

He captures my emotions perfectly. That's exactly I feel right now, as I drift off into peaceful sleep.

Safe.

It would be nice if I could always feel that way.