Love and Death

Bitterness

Alexia had random thoughts.

"I feel empty"

"I feel so alone."

"I'm a disaster."

"I'm a disgrace."

"I want to die." Wait, did I just thought I want to die. Damn, of course not . What the hell am I thinking.

"I want to live." Duh, you're lucky that you lived.

"I want a normal life." Huh, you're the only one whose making it complicated.

"Shut up."

"Shh."

"I want to bring things back to the way they were." Like you can bring back Lizzie? And wake up Eugene?

"Nothing's impossible."

Alexia's thoughts are driving her crazy. Lying awake in her bedroom. Then she just realized, she has to go to school. She can't just stay in their house and rot  Then her mom knocked on the door.

"Sweetie? Still awake? Can I come in?"

"Yeah."

"Your school called this afternoon."

"Why?"

"They reminded that examination week is fast approaching. It's the last one for your Senior year."

"What's the point mom?"

"The point is, you have to live your life. Thank God you survived. Now,you should take a sleep. You're getting up early tomorrow. You are going to school."

" Do I have to?"

"Yes.Sleep now, don't forget to pray."

"Good Night Mom."

"Good Night sweetie."

- - - - -

Do you ever get that feeling, that finally they all noticed you? All eyes were looking at you. Talking about you, worst is talking behind your back. Suddenly, it hit Alexia. She felt like she was a New Girl, a transferee. She felt alone. Alone, walking in those hallways.

Before, it was her and Eugene and Elizabeth. Now it was only her.

Alexia is the type of person who is friendly if you are friendly. Rude if you are rude. Mean if you are mean. Basically, it was always the three of them. She had other friends. But none of them was really close to her.

Lunch time - - - they have their usual spot. No one's sitting. Maybe the other students realized it was their spot. But now it was her spot. She sat. She ate. Alone. To kill the time she scribbled. Tried to make a song, a poem. But she can't think of anything.

Then she came up a meanig for her name.

A - alone

L- lonely

E- empty

X- xenophobic ("Is that even a word? What does that mean?" She thought)

I - ignored

A - abandoned

"Hey, what are you doing?"

It was Vanessa. She and Alexia had been classmates since Freshman year.

"Oh,hi Vanessa."

"Can I sit with you?"

"Yeah sure."

"How you've been? I've seen you in the funeral service, but I hadn't had the chance to talk to you."

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not."

"Excuse me?"Alexia said irritably. "I'm sorry Alexia. I'm here for you. Please don't forget that Lizzie is not only the friend you have. I'm here. We're here."

"Thanks Vanessa.Hey it's already time. We have the same class, I think we should go."

"Oh, yeah. I almost forgot."

- - - - - -