Trepidation | Sitkolson [ C ]

Chapter 5 | Apologies

I found myself wandering around school after hours, hoping to find Ryan.

I didn't know him much, but I still wanted to apologise. I may not have necessarily had something to apologise about, but.. I just wanted to talk to him, really.

Speak of the devil, Ryan turned a corner several metres away from me, walking in the same direction I was.

"Ryan!" I called, running to catch up to him.

He stopped and turned to me, slightly glaring, "Yes?"

I bit my lip, "I'm sorry about earlier, I didn't mean to bring that up."

He sniffed, shaking his head and mumbling, "It's fine."

He stepped to the side, about to continue walking before I grabbed his wrist, pulling him back.

"Are you... Are you crying?" I asked, looking up at him in disbelief.

Ryan looked very tough, and acted like it to. He held the resting bitch face just about every day. But, I was blown away when I saw damp cheeks and red eyes. He obviously didn't do drugs, so that was ruled out. And he hasn't been sneezing, so he didn't have a cold.

He pursed his lips, "No, know can you-"

"You didn't do it," I blurted out, my eyes wide, "Did you?"

He tilted his head, "If I told you I didn't, would you believe me?"

I opened my mouth, then closed it.

I honestly thought he didn't do it, but I also had a part of me telling me he did. I trusted Devin more than I trusted Ryan, so obviously I believed Devin, but I couldn't stop my mind from wondering.

I wasn't ready to sit down with Ryan and ask him about what happened, because it would be harder on him. Whether he did it or not.

He sighed, "Exactly. Now, please, leave me be."

I dropped his wrist, letting him walk down the hall and out of the school.

He seemed so... sad... As he was walking away, his shoulders were slouched and his head was down. The look in his eyes felt like a knife in my gut. I don't know why, it just did.

"What did you do?"

Shocked, I jumped and turned to face Kuza and Franccesca.

They both seemed mad. Kuza more than Franccesca.

He had that sort of look in his eyes.. I couldn't explain it, but I was more than intimidated when I looked up at him. I could tell he was like a brother to Ryan. From what the others told me and just witnessing everything, it was obvious.

Franccesca seemed a little nicer. She had the same look in her eyes, but it wasn't as hard. Maybe if I tried–not that I would–I could be her friend. But, I wouldn't, because I still didn't trust her.

"I didn't do anything," I mumbled, walking the same direction Ryan did, "We just talked. He wanted to leave, I let him."

Kuza walked after me, his footsteps heavy, "Stay away from him. Don't look at him, talk to him, nothing. He doesn't need to deal with your shit. He doesn't need to be judged every twenty-"

"We had a conversation," I said, not turning to him, "That was all. If you want me to stay away, I will."

With that, I sped up, leaving him and Framccesace in the school.

I didn't know why exactly they stayed there that late, but it was weird. Not that I could talk. I stayed back for two hours just so I could apologise to Ryan.

Devin, Josh and Kylie may not have liked the idea of me speaking to Ryan, but he needed someone. Whether he did what he did or not, he can't be treated like an alien. He can't receive looks of disgust everyday and not have someone to speak to. Sure, he had Franccesca and Kuza, but they seemed a little.. tough.. to be the shoulder to cry on. Hell, Ryan didn't even seem like the type to cry, but he looked like he could vent till the end of the world.

As I was walking home, nothing but the small rumbles from the sky keeping me company, my mind drifted back to the History class and the last few minutes.

Angelo said Ryan acknowledged me. Not only was that weird, but Ryan actually asked me if he did something wrong. Why would he care if he did? Why would he care whether Devin told me or not? Yet again, I let my thoughts drift to him. Yet again, I find myself wondering just how he could've set fire to that house. When the subject was brought up, it's like his whole personality changed. I can't not think about it. Curiosity's a bitch..

| | |

Kylie and I were walking down the school hallway, not bothering to keep an eye out for any teachers.

Skipping class on my third week probably wasn't the best choice, but we both hated the class. It wasn't the teacher, necessarily, but we just didn't want to put up with the shit other people started.

You can say Kylie and I were close, but not close close. Devin and I were closest, but I still shared a few things with Kylie. Same with Josh. Really, all four of us were close. They weren't overly obnoxious, so I couldn't complain about them. They weren't overly talkative, so I didn't want to stab my ears with forks. I liked them. Much better than anyone I had even come close to befriending.

As we turned a corner, Angelo and Chris turned to us, both as quiet as the other.

Just as we were about to walk past them, Angelo lightly touched my arm, causing me to stop.

He sent me a small smile, "You did right; apologising to him. But, please, be careful. When someone cares about someone else, it can lead to all sorts of things. Be cautious."

Frowning, I continued walking, Kylie staring at the floor, confused.

When someone cares about me? The only thing I knew about Angelo was his name, yet it seems as if he knew something about me I didn't.