Trepidation | Sitkolson [ C ]

Chapter 17 | My World

I hummed along to the faint sound of Rogue Traders, tapping my pen on the side of the textbook.

Ryan seemed rather used to Devin's loud music. In the time he's been here, he got used to quite a few things. My studying one of them.

Ryan and I had been caught by Jenna once or twice, but it was nothing major. She would leave Ryan dinner downstairs for when Devin was in the shower, and he would go down and eat it then. I was thankful that Jenna didn't make a big deal out it. Slowly, she was getting used to Ryan's presence. Just as I was.

It was nice to have someone like Ryan with me. He didn't need to have a conversation to keep things from going awkward. It wasn't that Devin or Josh or Kylie couldn't, because I loved speaking with them, but Ryan was different. In a good way. There were no distractions when it came to him, and that made it a lot easier.

"Here come the drums, here come the drums," I mumbled, finishing the equation before closing my textbook and pushing it off the bed. I looked up at Ryan who was reading one of Jenna's books, "Can we watch a movie or something?"

Placing the bookmark on his page, Ryan shut the book and placed it on my bedside table, "Yeah, okay."

I jumped up, "I'll be back."

I ran out of the room, skipping down the stairs and to the shelves where the movies were.

I didn't really know many of Ryan's preferences, so I just grabbed half of the horror movies we had.

After getting all the movies I wanted, I made my way back up stairs and to my room.

The second I stepped through the door, my arms went numb, causing everything I had in them to drop to the floor.

Ryan and I had gone so long without being caught, Devin finding us started to become the least of my worries. Honestly, I thought we would make it a few more weeks. My one mistake ruined it all, though...

"Devin, I can-"

He cut me off, tears already brimming his eyes, "How long?"

"Dev, please-"

"Answer me, Ricky!"

"Two weeks," I murmured, though I was loud enough for him to hear.

Heartbroken was the word Jenna used. Heartbroken doesn't even come close to the word I'd use.

Devin trusted me, and I invited someone he thought was responsible for his friends' death into his house. If I were him, I'd feel the exact same way. It was because of that, that I shouldn't have done what I did. But, I far from regretted it.

At the time, it seemed like a good idea, but I didn't take into consideration just how much it would hurt others. I didn't think it would be this bad. Why is it that only now–now that we've been caught and I'm watching the tears leave Devin's eyes–am I only just seeing that my idea wasn't great in the long run?

Devin looked to Ryan, "Get out."

Ryan was quick to stand up and gather his things. But, it was me who defended him.

"No, Devin, he can't-"

"Stop calling me Devin," He snapped, no longer sad, but more angry, "Don't call me that."

"I'm sorry, okay? But I couldn't let Ryan-"

"I don't care, Ricky!" He yelled, wiping at his tears, "He-He... You would never let someone like him in your house if you knew half of the things he did."

"He didn't do it!"

"How would you know?"

By now, Devin and I both had our voices raised, and were both mad. He was still crying, but I think he wanted to ignore them.

I couldn't believe we were having this argument. I knew Devin liked nothing about Ryan, but I didn't think he'd be like... this.

"It was Ryan, Vinny, Angelo, and Ryan Ashley that night. Angelo made it out barely alive, and Ryan made it out without a scratch. Explain to me how that works, Ricky."

"I don't know," I said, my voice small, "But he didn't do anything you think he did."

"He did everything!"

"Why isn't he locked up, then?!"

The whole time Devin and I were arguing, I hadn't even noticed that Ryan was finished packing and half way through the window. Although I wanted to laugh at his ass for not just using the door, I was still against him leaving.

I ran past Devin and to the window, grabbing Ryan's arm before he could leave.

"Don't leave, please."

He shook his head, "It was a bad idea from the start. This was bound to happen, Ricky. One way or another, from this or not, I would've had to leave anyway."

I hated how mature he was, I really did.

As Ryan started to move towards the tree, I let go of his arm, turning away before I could watch him leave.

Devin was no longer in the room, and I was completely fine with that. I didn't want him in.

I couldn't really do anything. Cry? I didn't feel like I was going to cry. Scream? No, I wasn't that stupid. Throw a tantrum? I wasn't twelve. Honestly, all I wanted to do was sleep. I didn't want to do anything else but sleep and hope this was some messed up dream. Not just Ryan getting kicked out, but everything. Right then, I wanted my whole life to be a dream, because it wasn't going how I wanted it to. That was probably the point, though. My world consists of people leaving, or people not giving a single shit. Maybe it was for the best... Though, if this was for the best, I didn't want to see how low my life could get. Not then, anyway.

| | |

The next day at school I didn't even speak to Kylie or Josh. It was obvious Devin had yet to tell them, because he was far from that person, but I knew they'd find out eventually. Kylie questioned why I wasn't speaking to her, but she later gave up. Josh... Josh wasn't very talkative, but he knew something was wrong with me. Usually, I'd tell him, but I didn't even look at him that day.

I sat away from them at lunch. I didn't go near Ryan, either. But when it got to history, I noticed he wasn't even at school that day.

Angelo seemed to know that something was up, somehow. Why he chose to sit next to me for the lesson, I didn't know at first, but I later found out why.

"You were in the right at first," Angelo said, his eyes on the board, "But it was becoming worse as the days passed."

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "Excuse me?"

What I had noticed about Angelo was that when he did speak, his words were the right ones. They weren't necessarily what I wanted to hear, but it's like he knew more than I did. He knew what was going on, when no one else did. I didn't force myself to think anymore of it, but doing that would've been a better idea than finding out over time...

"I've said it before and I'll say it again," Angelo said, looking me in the eyes for a second or two, "Be careful around him. Someone will end up hurt, and it will be worse than you think."