Trepidation | Sitkolson [ C ]

Chapter 9 | Ambitions

Night one and night two were both the same. Groups went out on scavenger hunts, but Ryan and I stayed out. We simply walked around the forest talking about whatever came to mind.

Turns out that he had two sides to himself; the one that he showed at school–the serious one–, and the one he showed me–the fun one. I liked his fun one. He made stupid jokes and did stupid things as if nothing had ever gone wrong. He would smile and laugh like he was having the best day of his life. Then, before we went to bed, his past would catch up to him, and he'd slip into something and just keep quiet. Now, unfortunately, was one of those quiet times. Maybe it was because of the other people that sat around the fire with us, maybe he just wasn't up for laughing.

Matt and Kuza were speaking to each other in small voices. Occasionally, Kuza would say something that would make Matt giggle, which would make him smile.

It looked as if they knew each other before camp, but they were just getting back into old habits.

I never thought about it until then. They would be a cute couple, Matt and Kuza. Matt was a little shorter than me, which just added to their cuteness.

With laughs, the two people that filled up the rest of our group arrived, snorting at Matt and Kuza.

The guy whispered something in, who I'm assuming was, his girlfriend's ear, causing her to giggle and nod.

"Hey, fags," The guy scoffed, pointing a finger at them, "Get a room, will ya'?"

Kuza glared at him, "Fuck off. Judging by the way your girlfriend is clinging to your side, I suggest you two get a room. Either that or I'll get you coffins."

He shook his head, laughing, "You wouldn't have the balls to kill anyone. Your friend, though," He pointed to Ryan, "He can easily do it. He had no trouble killing his own best friends."

Ryan clenched his fists, whilst I clenched my jaw, trying my best not to lash out at the guy.

Speaking of, he turned to me, an eyebrow raised.

"Why're you so close to him, anyways?" He asked, raising his lip in disgust, "He may murder you in your sleep. Set your house on fire. Really, whatever-"

I jumped up from my seat and ran to him, punching him and knocking him to the ground with no difficulty.

Just as I raised my fist, ready to hit him again, Ryan wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me away.

"Stop, Ricky." He said before letting me go and storming into the woods.

The guy was clearly drunk, even if we were at camp, which pissed me off even more.

To be honest, after spending so much time with Ryan, I truly believed he didn't do it. He would be in worse situations if he did. Plus, I'm sure he'd be in juvy if he was found guilty of doing it.

Kuza sighed and whispered something to Matt who nodded, watching with sad eyes as Kuza followed after Ryan.

With a scoff aimed towards me, the guy walked off, his girlfriend following after glaring straight at me for a whole minute.

Without Kuza, Matt looked more down. He was tiny, and looked easy to break, so it was obvious he was one of those people that didn't like being left alone. Clearly there was more to his and Kuza's relationship than what people knew.

Kuza didn't seem like the type to date someone like Matt. That's not an insult or such on either of them. Kuza was like Ryan, in some ways. He was more fearless than fearful. He wasn't afraid that someone could be following, because if there was, he'd probably knock them out. Whereas, if that were to happen to me or Matt, we'd probably run until we lost them.

With a small huff, I sat down next to Matt and offered him a small smile.

"Hi." He mumbled, playing with his skinny fingers.

"Hi. I'm Ricky."

"Matt."

I nodded.

I didn't really have anything to ask, or talk about with him, so what else could I have said? I couldn't just ask him if he liked Kuza. That'd be like walking up to Franccesca and asking if she liked Kylie. I already knew the answer to it, so there was no point. Plus, it's their business, not mine.

After deciding on a topic, I turned back to Matt.

"How do you know Kuza?"

He smiled, but his cheeks still turned a shade darker, "In seventh grade, he liked my shirt. From there, we sort of stuck together. We had a lot in common, so it wade ash to be his friend. In ninth, we started dating. It only lasted a few months. But... I don't know, I have high hopes now."

I grinned, lightly patting his shoulder as Kuza returned, "Good luck. You two would be cute."

Just as I moved to stand up and follow where he had gone, Kuza stopped me, shaking his head.

"He doesn't want to see you."

I frowned, "I don't care."

He sighed, "Fine. Don't expect me to feel sorry for you when he's done talking to you, though."

I rolled my eyes, "I wouldn't expect you to."

I quickly followed where Ryan had went, pulling his jacket tighter around me as the temperature started to slowly drop from being away from the fire.

After minutes of speed walking, I finally found where Ryan was sitting; the lake.

I let out a sigh and sat next to him, frowning.

He didn't even acknowledge my presence. He didn't turn to look at me, he didn't say anything. He just stared at the water like I was invisible or something.

I couldn't take it. Either he started, or I did. And I was the one to start.

"Are you going to say something?"

Not turning to me, Ryan mumbled, "What do you want me to say?"

I looked down, "Kuza said you didn't want to see my. Why?"

He scoffed, shaking his head, "You should've fucking listened," He stood up, finally looking to me, "I don't want you here, Ricky. I don't want you talking to me, I don't want you looking at me. I don't even want you near me! I don't need you as a friend. I don't need you at all."

I stood up, "Ryan, just-"

"Fuck off," He growled, repeating it louder and pushing me back when I didn't move.

My eyes watered from where a rock struck my elbow, but I refused to cry in front of Ryan.

"Fine," I muttered, "Have fun dying alone."

"I was always going to!" He retorted as I started walking away.

With my back to him, I let a few tears fall.

Devin always told me to stay away from him. So did Kylie, Josh and Angelo. But I listened to none of them. I went along by myself, deciding to be a reckless bitch, and tried to make a friend out of the one person I shouldn't have. If I had just listened to everyone, even Ryan, I probably wouldn't have been feeling like a piece of shit on the bottom of someone's shoe.

I don't even know why I was upset. Maybe it was because I just wanted another friend, maybe it was because I pitied him. I don't know, but I was upset. And I highly doubted the pain would go away in a few hours.