Trepidation | Sitkolson [ C ]

Chapter 19 | Amends?

My eyes were focused on the blank wall above me, my hands laying flat on my stomach.

It wasn't easy being under the same roof as Devin. He was still angry, and sad, with what I did. Honestly, I started to understand where he was coming from as the time passed. I thought I was in the right, but I was far from it. I was blinded by something, and didn't see what I was actually doing. Wasn't I?

I had yet to apologise, but I figured now was a better time than never.

With a sigh, I stood up and walked out of my room, heading straight to the last on the right.

I owed him more than an apology. I was a dick. I knew that now. Whether I was in the wrong or not, I shouldn't have spoken to Devin the way I did. Especially after everything he's been through.

Gently, I knocked on the door, resting my head on the door frame as I waited for him to say or do something.

I heard a small 'come in' and I opened the door, making my way to where Devin was lying on his bed.

He wasn't facing me, so he didn't know it was me.

"Devin..." I sat behind him, placing a hand on his hip, "I'm so sorry."

Devin ignored me, tensing slightly.

I expected him to be hostile, honestly.

I scorched forward and rested my chin on his shoulder, "Please speak to me."

He turned on to his back, glaring at me with red, puffy eyes, "What do you want?"

"To apologise," I whispered, wiping his tears away.

He sniffed, closing his eyes, "Well you did, now leave."

I sighed, "Don't do this to me, Dev. I know what I did was reckless, and stupid, and I'm sorry. I really am. I honestly... I thought I was doing the right thing."

"Your heart's too big for your body," He mumbled, staring up at his grey roof.

"Don't go quoting songs on me," I chuckled, earning a small laugh from him, "Please don't stay mad at me."

Sniffing again, Devin murmured a small, "I'm sorry, too. I just... I miss him so much."

I frowned and moved closer to Devin, wrapping my arms around him, "Who?"

Devin shook his head, curling up against me.

His tears fell on to my shirt, his tiny whimpers piercing my heart.

I saw him as a little brother. To see him hurting, and knowing that I was the reason for that, made me feel horrible for every bad action I had done to him. I had made some sort of closure with Devin. Perhaps it was time I made some sort of peace with Ryan...

| | |

I knocked on the roller door, watching as Ryan worked on a car from beneath it.

He rolled out from under it, running a hand through his hair with a sigh when he saw me.

"I'm not here to do anything other than apologise," I said, holding my hands up.

Biting his lip, Ryan looked around, "Not here."

I nodded, "Let's go for a walk."

| | |

Eventually, Ryan and I ended up at a park ten or twenty minutes away from his garage.

He sat on a swing, and I sat on the one next to him.

I kicked my feet forward, trying to think of the words to say.

I thought about this one event so much, yet I hadn't actually figured out what I would say.

"I'm sorry."

Those two words were all I had. No part of me could come up with something better, or something that would explain how I felt more.

"Don't be," Ryan mumbled, kicking at the dirt below his feet, "I wasn't thinking right at the time."

"What do you mean?" I questioned, looking to him with a tiny frown.

"I was thinking like a teenager, and that's what made me say yes."

"You are a teenager, though."

He shook his head, "If I acted like a teenager, I can guarantee you that half of this shit wouldn't be the same. If I wasn't how I am, things would be even worse."

When we saw a family come into the park, Ryan and I stood up and made our way to the footpath, sitting on the edge of that.

"You're different," I said, smiling, "That's pretty cool, if you ask me."

Ryan's lips quirked slightly as he looked down, "You seem to be the only person that thinks that."

I shrugged, "Haters gonna' hate, right?"

"I don't think 'haters' is the right word."

"Either way," I looked to him with a warm smile, "They can go fuck themselves."

Ryan chuckled and turned to me. He frowned before quickly placing a hand on my cheek and pulling me closer to him.

The second his lips touched mine, my eyes widened. I gasped from the sudden contact, and that seemed to catch Ryan's attention, and it dawned on him of what he had just done.

His own eyes were wide, and full of, what I guessed was, regret and guilt.

"I..."

Before I could say anything, Ryan stood up and ran down the road, heading straight back in the direction we came.

"Ryan!" I stood up, watching as he continued to run away.

When he was no longer in my sight, I slowly raised a hand to my lips and brushed my fingers over them, frowning.

I couldn't find the right words to describe how I was feeling. I honestly couldn't. My mind was running so fast, I couldn't even move. I just stood in shock. Was it good, or bad? I didn't know...