To Share You (manxman)

Chapter 13

I don't dare move as his finger tips gently explore my face, then brush some strands of hair from my eyes. I don't move as they glide past my ear and jawline and down my neck, stopping at my collarbone.

His eyes never leave mine and maybe that is what makes this moment so precious and special.

When he goes to pull his hand away, the wolf side of me shows its possessiveness for just a second and grabs it, taking hold of it.

I would have been embarrassed if I wasn't sure he knows exactly what I'm feeling right now.

'Scoot over.' he whispers as if to not disturb whatever it is that is going on.

I sit up with my back against the head board and move over to make space for him as well.

My hand stays connected with his all the while.

I watch him move into the bed gingerly, me below the blanket and him on top of it.

His thumb absentmindedly draws patterns on the back of my hand, but neither of us is saying anything.

It's completely surreal.

Raphael and I are sitting here, in my bed, in silence. And I wish I wouldn't have to let go of this ever. It's just a daydream that is never going to be a true reality, but I can't help but wish for it to be in this moment.

This, right now, is following my instinct. It's reckless and stupid, but I have my mum that has my back, I have Zach that has my back and, even if that sounds like too much faith in the wrong person, I want to believe I have Raphael as well.

'Your mum called me.' he finally breaks the silence. And of course, I should have known she would.

I laugh dryly, not at all surprised, but somehow thankful for this.

'I'm sorry.' he adds then.

'What for?' there's nothing that he's done wrong that I haven't. In essence neither of us has to be sorry, at least not towards the other.

'I should have talked to you about this.' he gestures towards our hands, still intertwined and almost completely white from the force with which we're holding on to each other.

'I shouldn't have holed up in my room like I did. I should have come by earlier too. There's no excuse for letting you suffer like I did.' His voice sounds bitter as he says this and his brows furrow angrily. I don't like it.

'All of this I could have done as well. This isn't a one way street. We're both to blame for, well, this.' I say, gesturing to our hands as he has, 'Don't take responsibility for something both of us fucked up.'

'Alright' he only says, voice now meek and quiet.

Silence settles again for a minute, before I finally gather the courage to address the big problem.

'What do you want to do now? I've asked myself so many times how to approach this. I don't think I can lie to her. She wants us to get along so badly, but I don't think I can be around you without craving ... this. It's driving me insane, you know? It should never have happened and yet it did. I don't know how to deal with this. She'll be so hurt. Maybe it's better to just not tell her and leave it in the past. We can ... forget about it, try and get along like she wants us too. We'll have the mating issue resolved sometime. Until then, we'll just have to be strong, resist. Afterwards, chances are we won't see each other again anyway.'

I wait for his answer after my little speech. It feels good to let all of this off my chest, to just tell him. I realise that Mary was right, I do want to talk about it. Maybe it just had to be Raphael for me to actually be honest about it. He must be dealing with the same struggles at this point, I know, so that makes it so much easier.