To Share You (manxman)

Chapter 50

I think that day really helped Raph. It helped him grip onto what is now his reality, grip onto the good things in it. Every day since then I watched him smile just a little more each day, usually when Sam came over. They still didn't really talk much and if so, it was usually Sam talking a mile a minute until he realised he was the only one talking, then blushed and turned quiet. Usually, they would sit there and Sam would draw. He had a real talent, that child, and as I watched his hand move over his canvas swiftly and in complete control, creating images of pure beauty, I was reminded of my own mate's talent. I hadn't seen Raph with a violin since that last time I went to see him at his concert. After realising this clear connection, even with the lack of blood relation, between the two, every time seeing them together, Sam drawing and Raph watching, hurt me.

Today, as would sometimes be the case, my mother came along as well. And while Raph is watching Sam mindlessly doodle, my mother and I are watching them. My head is lying on her shoulder and my heart is squeezing painfully. I imagine what it would be like to see Raph play again and simultaneously wonder how I could have gone so many years without noticing something so profound was missing from my mate's life.

I close my eyes to try and shut out the negative emotion. While Raph has been doing much better, I never feel like I take any steps forward. If anything, I take a few backwards every once in a while.

A gentle touch to the bridge of my nose makes me open my eyes back up. My mother isn't looking at me, but she has a smile just as gentle as her touch on her face, clearly meant for me. Her finger slowly moves upwards, unwinding the knots of pain my furrowed eyebrows have caused right over my nose. When my forehead is smoothed out, her touch leaves and she lets her hand rest in her lap. I smile back at her, even if she can't see it, repositioning my head on her shoulder, before I continue watching my mate and his brother.

Sam glances over his shoulder quickly before looking back down, biting onto his lower lip lightly. Then he quickly leans into Raph's side and whispers something in his ear. Raph turns around as well, looking at me with a quizzical look, before nodding. He stands up slowly, walking over to us and finally reaching out his hand. I look at it, momentarily confused, before I reach up to grab it. However, my mother's hand is faster than me and grasps my mate's hand in a strong and secure hold. I look up, even more confused, to see Raph and my mother smiling at each other as he pulls her to her feet and then they are both gone, out the front door. Raph and I haven't really been apart at all, we were always somehow touching one another to, in my case, ground and reassure myself. We haven't been apart, let alone out of eyeshot. It feels weird and wrong and the first thing I instinctively want to do is run after them to make sure I know he's okay. It's a strange concoction of fear, worry and loneliness and it boils down to a ball of panic lodged deep in my stomach.

But before I can get to my feet, Sam's timid voice holds me back.

'Donny?' My head snaps over in his direction, only to find him standing just a few feet away from me. I don't answer him, just look at him. I can't quite make out what I'm feeling apart from that nagging sense of panic about not having Raph right next to me. Instinctively, my head turns back to the door, through which he left.

'Donny?' he asks again and my brows go back to furrowing. I don't know what he's asking. I'm right here. But I don't look at him, even though my head swivelled back to him, my eyes are turned towards his shoes. We stay in this little bubble of awkward energy that is laced with my own impatience to go and find my mate for a while. Neither of us moves, even though I so, so desperately want to.

'Donny?' This time, his voice wobbles a bit, and breaks at the end. I cautiously look further up, seeing his hands clenched into fists at his side, slightly shaking. As my eye travel further up, I can see the way his shoulders are lifted, almost right to his ears, and his mouth is set in a hart line. And, even further up, his eyes are slightly glistened over, as if they are soon going to be filled with unshed tears. His chin is trembling a tiny bit and I feel myself somehow fascinated by his expressive face. Before I turned away to look after Raph, his face almost looked blank. Now, there is so much emotion there, it's hard for me to compute. The longer I stare at him, the more his eyes glisten and the more his chin trembles and somewhere it my head something tells me that I should probably do something, but somehow, I can't.