To Share You (manxman)

Chapter 52

Randy's eyes are intense as he's staring us to the ground. There's a tension in the room that is making it hard to breathe.

A few minutes after Randy addressed us, a few minutes in absolute silence, he finally stands up and walks over to us. The closer he gets, the more uncomfortable I feel. Since leaving the pack house I've been avoiding him and now he is simply too close. But he keeps coming closer and closer, right until he stands barely a hand width away from mine and Raph's knees. He stops there, both hands in fists so tight, his knuckles are turning white. His face is a mask of stoicism, nothing to be read from, but his eyes are still sternly trained on us.

Another free moments pass, until he suddenly falls to his knees and hugs us to him. His arms are around one of us each and his hands are pressing our heads to his shoulders.

'I don't know how to comfort anyone. But you are pack. And you are suffering, so therefore my pack is suffering. We do not let pack suffer.'

His words are whispered, but strong. They penetrate something inside of me that I didn't even know was there, but all of a sudden I find myself crying. Tears are streaming down my cheeks and I'm sobbing like a baby. It's almost like a dam has been released. Again. I seem to shed more tears lately than I ever knew I had.

We stay like this for a while, squashed into my Alpha's arms with everyone watching and I wonder how I deserve this much forgiveness in my life. Eventually, Randy lets us go, gracefully stands up and heads back over to his mate, where he plops down in Marc's lap and snuggles up to him. Somehow, even in that position, he still manages to look powerful.

'You can go now. I've said what I wanted to say. Now stop intruding on me and hubby's private time. We don't get much of it anyway. You fuckers are in the way.' Randy says this with so much Randy-like annoyance that I wonder whether I dreamed up what just happened. But I simply shake my head, unable to fight the little smile on face, and stand up, Raph's hand in mine.

I barely take a step out the door when I hear Marc's voice behind me.

'Whenever you need anything, you know where to find me.'

I refuse to turn around, partially because I don't need to. I know this is his way of apologising and I can accept that.

Likewise, I let him know and then finally leave. This is my way of apologising. We're fine now.

Raph and I leave the pack house hand in hand, Mary and Clarissa right behind us, whispering. I don't bother trying to listen in, not really caring what they're saying between them. But they eventually catch up to us and then stop us by walking in front of us.

'We've decided to grace you with our presence. Show us where you live.' This is Mary, looking at me with a mischievous smile, as if this is some kind of code that I should know. In my confusion, Raph decides to help me out and simply smiles, leading the way towards our home.

I'm apprehensive about letting them inside our space. It's a weird feeling having someone there, even worse than when mum stopped by out of nowhere. The feeling grows the closer we get, but I decide to not act on it. It's time to heal and maybe letting them in when it feels like the entirely wrong thing to do is a way to start. I don't even sound convincing to myself.

Raph's grip on my hand momentarily tightens and immediately I feel slightly calmer. The only thing I'll have to do is remember his presence and I'll be fine. He's here, always.

We sit down in our little space, almost in a circle, my hand still firmly grounded by Raph's.

No one says a word, all our eyes somewhere in the distance, not looking at anyone else. Mary's face is a mask of stubbornness, her arms crossed over her chest, but she's alluding an air of casual confidence that still hasn't changed over all these years. I remember how she introduced herself three or four times before I even remembered her, how she was the one coming to me when I needed advice. Even when I never knew it myself. How she was always on my side, even when I didn't even know which side I was on. And how I disappeared without any word to or worry for her.

'I'm sorry.' I mumble. I'm still not used to speaking. The words I spoke today were far more than I have spoken in a long time and making these sounds with my lips and tongue again feels almost foreign now.

'Long overdue', is all Mary answers, still not meeting my eyes. It hurts.

'I am. I'm truly sorry. I should have told you.' I don't know what else to say. My jaw seems to protest the precise movement again and I wonder whether that's actually the case or whether I'm just transferring my mental issues to physical ones.

'You should have taken me.' she says stubbornly, this time meeting my eyes though. But before I can even start to think of what to say to that, too surprised by what she said, Clarissa already cuts in.

'Don't be silly. He left his family behind. Why would he take you of all people.' I suppress a smile. Clarissa, always the voice of reason. 'Also you wouldn't have made it anywhere. The rogues would have heard you chattering ages away.' Mary pouts at that, looking at Clarissa with her eyebrows drawn close over her eyes.

When I hear a quiet chuckle beside me, my eyes snap over so quickly, I'm surprised nothing snapped. Raph is sitting there, covering his mouth with the back of his hand, as if to suppress the small sounds of happiness stumbling over his lips. It's all I can do to stare at his eyes filled with honest joy, for the first time in so long and I feel my heart beating wildly in my chest. I recognise this feeling. It's happiness. My free hand reaches out to him automatically, grasps his neck and I pull him to me. My lips meet his and his wide eyes connect with mine. We stay like that, lips locked in what is barely even a kiss, simply a light peck, but as he relaxes, I can tell he understands.

'Alright, alright. We'll leave.' I pull away just a tiny little bit to look up at Clarissa and Mary, who was the one that spoke.

'I've been wanting to thank you for trusting me with bringing your family back. Hopefully me being gone for so long hasn't made our friendship worth any less.', Clarissa says and I simply smile and nod.

'And I haven't forgiven you. Not by a long shot. You'll have to spend the rest of your life making it up to me. Every day.' I see the smile Mary is desperately trying to hide as she says this and so I smile in her stead. A moment of silent understand passes between us and then they leave.

It's just Raph and I now. My eyes find his again and there's a smile in both our faces and both our eyes.

My forehead moves to rest on his. The comfort this gives me makes me want to close my eyes, but I fight the urge in favour of leaving my eyes on his.

I love you. He is the one to say it first.

I love you. I immediately add.

There is a moment of silence between us. Silence that is still full of communication, a silence that is unique to us.

Will we be okay? I finally ask. There is still this underlying, small little place of fear in my heart.

We'll be okay. You and me.