To Share You (manxman)

Chapter 32

We end up back on our pile of pillows, Sam between me and Raph and it almost feels like I have a complete family again. For a while we just sit, not talking, and I try to remember this moment as best as I can. I know I'll have to be the one to go with Sam tomorrow, because Raph will not be able to let him go otherwise.

'So how'd you get past the drill master?' I finally ask, trying to distract myself from having to let him go soon. It's embarrassing to admit, but after five years, although missing both people from my old life, I learnt to live without them. Now, having Sam next to me, all of that dread is coming right back.

'Drill master?' Sam asks confused. He looks at me and I can suddenly see the youth in him still.

'I can tell she's been training you. Your scrawny self is actually developing something akin to muscle.' I tease him. Raph is the only one that laughs though, Sam just resorts to pouting again.

'I might have slipped her some light sleeping pills?' It's obvious how guilty he feels, and he should. Mum is going to wake up and panic when she can't find Sam. When she walked away that day with Sam in her arms, it was clear to me that she took him under her wing as her own pup right then.

'Well, you better be ready for when you get back.' I say to cheer him up.

'I'm sorry I came. I didn't think that they might find you.' He's crying now. Suddenly, I feel completely out of my comfort zone and have no idea what to do. Desperate, I look at Raph, who is smiling at me as if he's never seen anything more beautiful and throws me off for just a second. Then I remember that his kid brother is bawling his eyes out and I don't know how to handle it, so I gesture to Sam. That seems to pull Raph back and he immediately goes to wipe his brother's tears away.

'You're okay. They won't find you. We'll bring you back tomorrow and then you'll have to be a big boy. You'll have to wait for us to get you and you'll have to take care of mum until then, okay?' It warms my heart to hear Raph call my mother his and Sam's as well. It makes me even more determined to bring all of us together once again.

'I will. I'll be strong for mum.' the boy answers, a new determination present in his eyes and I feel suddenly proud. I feel proud of this precious person that I had no hand in raising, yet his actions matter so much in my life.

We talk a bit longer, but soon Sam can't keep his eyes open. I'm not surprised, running here from our old pack is a stretch, especially for a young pup like him.

Once I'm sure he's fast asleep, I lean over him, pulling Raph's head closer so our foreheads can rest together.

'How are you really?'

'I don't wanna let him go, Don.' There is so much raw pain in his voice, I can barely stand it. It almost physically hurts hearing his voice and seeing his face like this. I make sure to grip him properly, looking him straight in the eye.

'Listen to me. I will make sure to get you and your brother together again. I promise. I'll make sure of it.'

He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes as if overwhelmed. His eyebrows furrow and I'm scared he'll start to cry too.

'This isn't just about him. He loves your mum too. He loves you. I love you. This is about all of us. It's no use if it's not all of us. It can't be. I love you.' he repeats again and the raw emotion was unmissable.

'Raph?' I quietly say. There's something that's been weighing on my mind ever since I saw Sam at the border earlier.

'Yes?'

'Why didn't he shift? He should be just past the age when every pup should be turned.' The next breath he takes is shaky and he almost doesn't have to actually answer for me to get it.