To Share You (manxman)

Chapter 46

*** SLIGHT TRIGGER WARNING ***

For the first time in what I can't even quite determine the timeframe of I can finally feel his presence. After a while of hitting me with everything he had he eventually slung his arms around my torso and pulled me to himself and this is how we are now. His arms are so tight, they almost suffocate me, his nails so strong in my back that I should feel pain - instead, I feel connected to him in the most primal way known to man and wolf. At points, when he is suffering more than usual, his nails sink deeper into my skin, producing little droplets of blood that I can feel slowly run down my back. His face is firmly placed by the side of my neck, slightly turned towards me so he can hide in it. I can feel his eyelashes caress my skin with every blink, but sometimes, he simply lowers them and doesn't let them rise to open his eyes for long time. Now, his breath is finally even with mine again. His chest rises in time with mine falling, a rise and fall in harmony between the two of us, our breaths containing the same air, shared between us over and over again. And if I pay attention, I can even feel the little welts on his belly that refuse to heal even now. His body now fits mine perfectly again, our anatomy so similar that we entangle completely.

He hasn't said anything yet, and neither have I and secretly I wonder whether voicing anything at all would make this more real. I've been wondering where my tears or fits of rage have been, but except the endless pain and guilt, the only thing I'm capable of feeling right now is the need to keep everyone and anything away from him. I have realised that we were probably never quite as alone as I'd thought. People were around somewhere, but they seemed to keep at a distance at which I wasn't reacting to them. It took me a while, but I figured it's probably because I wasn't truly paying attention. Now I know. I know they're there, but I leave them because of one simple reason. If I suddenly react, they'd realise I'm more aware now and I don't want to talk to them. I want to stay here forever.

I also notice things about where we are. It's a room, but there are no windows, barely any furniture and it's actually quite small. There is a doorway, but no door and right outside, to the right of the frame, are two people. I can sense them there, barely making a move, but also definitely not sleeping. I can hear their breaths and they aren't deep and regular enough.

Tiny little stabs of bright pain draw my attention to him, still in my arms, but stiff and with all his muscles pulled taut, his strength pulling me even closer to him and the nails in my back even further into my flesh. He doesn't relax in the slightest this time and after a while, I can feel my back slowly healing itself around the tips of his fingers slightly lodged into it. This is the first time I truly feel pain again. The tissue in my back is rearranging itself around the foreign object, but I breathe through the pain, taking care not to change my pattern in breathing or move at all, as to not alarm the people outside.

I can hear you. Don't pretend. It's gonna make it worse.

This time my breath does hitch, but I try to focus in on the presences outside. How I didn't notice one of their breathing patterns change I don't know, but one of them is asleep now, while the other one is apparently more perceptive than expected.

I won't disturb him. I say after a while. He will react if I make too much of a fuss and so I quietly lie through he pain. Even once I'm healed, every little movement made by either him or me gives me more pain.

Look, I don't know what's happening in there, but let me help you.

No.

I breath again, deep breaths. Their not the same as his anymore, my chest lifting away from his every once in a while to accommodate my quicker breaths now. I feel sweat on my forehead when he suddenly shifts, his nails grazing the partly healed flesh underneath the skin of my back.