"You're cold and selfish! You act like you're better than all of your friends when you're exactly like them! All you ever do is find ways to aggravate your parents because it gives you some kind of sick pleasure!"
Tears drip onto my pillow as this afternoon re-plays in my head for the hundredth time tonight.
"You think you're different from everybody else, but I can see right through you Lottie, and you are paper thin."
After I ran out of Ben's house crying Daniel walked me home but I refused to tell him what happened, although I can imagine that he heard some of that.
Ben's words hurt me more than anything else. I thought we had a real genuine friendship, that we cared about each other. I guess I was wrong.
How could anyone ever love someone like you? You're selfish and mean. Like he said, you're cold. I think for some reason that I'm different from everyone else, but I am paper thin. Why would anyone ever love me? It's my fault that the relationships in my life are the way they are. How could I expect anyone to ever love me?
I hear a knock on my door and I ignore it, burying my head in my pillow. I hear the door open and a few footsteps and then my bed sinks down as someone sits besides me.
"Lottie," Andrew says, gently rubbing my back. "What's wrong?"
"I- Ben," I stutter, turning to look at him. "I-"
I sit up quickly and throw my arms around him, sobs racking through my body as I cry in the collar of his shirt.
"Shhh," he soothes, pushing my hair out of the way and rubbing my back.
"You think you have the upper hand by constantly picking fights with Andrew in school. You think it will make you look cool, but in reality, the entire school is laughing behind your back because he's cheating on you!"
"Andrew I'm so sorry," I cry, hiccuping in between words.
"Why are you sorry, princess? What happened?" He asks, pulling me back at arms length so he can see my face.
He wipes away the tears on my face and I look down at my lap as more fall.
"For being such a terrible bitch to you all of the time," I say, wiping a few tears away myself. "All I ever do is pi-pick fights with you and for stressing you out, and- and,"
"It's okay, I forgive you," he cuts me off.
"Thank you," I say, wiping more tears away.
"What did you do to your hands?" He asks, noticing the torn up flesh on them and pulling them into his hands.
"I-I," the sobs start all over again. "I went to Ben's house and-"
"And?" He asks.
"And he s-said he doesn't want to be friends anymore and he said that I'm p-paper thin and that the whole school is laughing at me because you're cheating on me and," I start crying too hard to finish my sentence.
I bury my face in my hands, ashamed of myself. Andrew gets up and for a minute I think he might be leaving, but he comes back from the bathroom with some first aide supplies.
"So why would you listen to him?" He asks, taking my hand and bandaging it.
"Because he's my friend- was my friend," I correct myself.
"Ben Rhee is an asshole but you've always been too blind to see it. Think about it, he has what, two friends besides you?"
I nod and he starts on my other hand.
"So why would you care about his opinion? You have tons of friends, you're popular, beautiful, kind- when you want to be," he smirks. "He can see what all of us can see about you, and he's jealous of you."
He finishes with my hand and holds it up to his lips, placing a kiss over the bandage.
"It really hurts, Andrew," I say, dropping my eyes.
"I'm sorry, Lottie," he sighs, siting next to me and wrapping his arms around me.
"Andrew, why would he say you were cheating on me?" I ask quietly.
"I have no idea," he says. "You don't believe him, do you?"
"No, of course not," I answer. "I just don't know why he would say that."
"I don't know, but let's just forget about Ben Rhee," he says, pushing some of my hair away from my face and kissing my forehead. "Okay?"
"Okay," I say quietly, staring up at the ceiling.
He places a kiss on my cheek and flips us over so he's hovering over top of me, his hands pressed against the pillow on either side of my head as he lowers himself down to kiss me.
"Let me help you forget."
///
I tried my best to listen to Andrew and forget about Ben, but it was more easily said than done. Especially when I saw the state he was in the next day.
I'm laughing at a story Ryan is telling the lunch table while Jenny holds his arm, forcing laughter and batting her eyes at him.
My eyes glance away from the table and I immediately stop laughing, seeing Ben about fifty feet away. I gasp when he meets my eyes. Joining the black eye he already had yesterday, his lip is cut and swollen and he looks like a mess, his hair messy, his shirt messed up. He looks noticeably thinner as well, as if he hasn't eaten in days.
I don't care what happened yesterday. I quickly stand up from the table and Andrew grabs my arm, stopping me.
"Lottie," he warns me and I look at him for a second before looking back to Ben.
"Let go," I tell him. He holds my gaze for a few seconds before I finally pull my arm away from him.
Ben turns and quickly walks away and I frown, grabbing my bag from the table and running after him.
He disappears into the school and I follow, pushing my way past a couple of people and down the hall.
"Ben!" I call, catching up with him. "Ben!"
"God, can't you take a hint?" He hisses, turning around.
I bite my lip, looking down at the ground while he glares at me.
"Apparently not," I mumble.
"Leave me alone, Lottie," he demands, turning and walking away.
I let out a sigh, pushing my back to the wall and sliding down to sit on the ground.
///
"I'm not mad," Andrew says after school when I apologize. "You have a good heart Lottie. I just don't want to see you give a piece of it to everyone until there is nothing left of it. I'm trying to protect you."
"I... I know," I sigh as he wraps his arm around me, rubbing my arm lightly. "I love you."
We stand against the middle of the steps while the last few kids walk past us, eager to be done with school.
"I love you too," he says, kissing my forehead.
I hear giggling and I narrow my eyes and walk over to the edge of the steps, peering over the side of them.
"You want to go to my house?" Chelsea asks, her hands tangled in Daniel's hair as she leans into him, their bodies pressed together. "My parents aren't home."
I roll my eyes as Andrew steps up behind me and chuckles.
"Yeah, sure," Daniel replies, placing a kiss on her lips and she giggles.
His hands slide down her back to the bottom of her skirt, squeezing her butt and his eyes look up at me. I quickly turn around, feeling like I've been caught spying, but Andrew salutes him, giving him a knowing grin and Daniel chuckles.
///
Kind of a filler, I'm sorry if this chapter was really boring. I actually really like the chapter title for once so that's good😌.
