Summer Journal #1 (COMPLETE)

Fourth of July

So, last night I was trying to figure out plans because I wanted to hang out with friends. I was arguing with a friend that I was thinking about hanging with them and their family..... I realized that I was being a dick and decided it best not to ask. So, I was going to ask another friend, but they weren't here in my state at the moment. All my other friends were either gone or I wasn't able to contact them. So, while I was spending the morning with my family I started texting Alexx and we made plans to hang out. I was uber excited because hanging with Alexx is like hanging out with me. Literally, Alexx and I are one person in two different bodies. So, before I hung out with him, we went to the parade, then grocery shopping with my mother, we then got a call that my moms 78 year old aunt had fallen and been taken to the hospital. We finished buying groceries and drove there. This is where I was texting Alexx. Mothers aunt is alright, she'll heal. When I wasn't texting anyone or talking to anyone I was thinking about the argument I had with the friend. I realized how stupid it was and then how I was trying to drag the argument on.....dick move Luis.... anyways, I never ever say sorry, and if I do I don't mean it. Why? Well, I see as a pointless gesture because my experience with saying sorry is that it only makes things worse. So, after leaving the hospital with a lot of blue gloves, we went to my grandmas where my uncle cooked hamburgers and steak and hot dogs. I like my meat well done, he left it pretty pink. I spilled grease on my shorts near the crotch. I went to the meetup place with Alexx. We hung out and I didn't realize how much I missed him. It was amazing to see him once again. During the fireworks show and pre fireworks show, I was stopped by a lot of female classmates who all hugged me. Which, it was weird to me because, I really don't like people and I act like I do just to survive. Eventually Alexx and I met up with a crew that had his older sister in it. People were vaping and smoking regular cigars, but man I hate tobacco smoke. I am allergic to tobacco smoke, it closes up my breathing passages and then I can't breath, mind you I can hold my breath for two minutes, but I just hate tobacco smoke. So, the fireworks ended. I called my sis who told me to meet my mom at the weathervane in Montague, which was a good mile or two... I dunno. I wanted to run there because I like running, but I was stopped by a female classmate who persisted on talking to me.... I hated that, I mean she's nice and pretty, but I don't like talking to people that aren't close to me. So, all this day at the fireworks and the parade I was hoping I wouldn't see my friend who I argued with because I am ashamed of my douche baggery. But, as I was crossing the street at night, I saw her.

She was with her family and, I wasn't sure if I should have apologized to her there. I stopped and stared, asking myself should I apologized? I was about to call her name, but I figured that she probably didn't want to see me after what happened. So, I just found my mom and we went home. And now I'm loathing the choice of not going to her and apologizing. There was a 50 50 chance that she would be happy to see me or that she wouldn't be happy to see me. I should've taken that chance instead of regretting not doing it. And, I mean, I could do it online, but then the apology is just a group of pixels forming on a screen, they would mean nothing. So, I want to do it personally.