Summer Journal #1 (COMPLETE)

Death D-D-D-DEATH!

So, last night while I couldn't fall asleep, I was thinking(too much, help me). So, my skin is usually really sun resistance, because of where my ancestors come from. I've gone fifteen years with out wearing sunscreen. For Band camp, I put it on for the first time because my band director and mother kept saying to wear it. I did, and now my skin is REALLY sensitive to the sun. Like, pure sunlight burns like lemon juice on a cut. As well, my skin has been getting dry on the back of my neck, and my forearms. As well, patches of my skin are different colours. So, my mom had set an appointment, which I won't be able to go to it. And I got to thinking, "What if this is cancerous?" I told my mother that if I ever got a life threatening disease, just to let me die or tough it out. Then she told me this story about this guy who was stranded in the ocean and he was asking God for help. The guy encountered three different boats, offering to rescue him. He turned them downed saying God would save him. When he finally dies and gets to Heaven he asks "God, I asked you for help, where were you?" God replies saying, "I did, those three boats were me helping you."

And my mother thought she made a point. She didn't, because the difference between me and that guy are that, I don't want to be saved. If I have a life threatening disease like cancer, I don't want help. I want my life to still be the way it is, but me just happen to die outta the blue. So, last night, I had also thought, "Well, if I do have cancer, I'd want to know the exact time of my death." And if I did, I'd gather all the people I care about, like REALLY care about, and tell them the things I liked about them. And then I'd gather the people I disliked and I would make peace with them before I died.